Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The more I have to think about, the more I feel like I need free time to think.
The more free time I have, the more I seem to find to think about - the more that's on my mind, I mean. There's no balance. There's no shutting my mind up.
I had a short, fun, night out; abruptly ended by a bad mood brought on by a migraine that just wouldn't budge, despite the painkillers and the forced good mood.
All in all though, it's ok. :) Little things remind me of that line in Desiderata;
"With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams.. it is still a beautiful world"
I'm watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. Well, half watching, half writing this and half* watching facebook to see who's online...
It's that song more than anything. Don't get me wrong - the movie's wonderful - I could watch it on a loop for a week and still love it! But it's the song... Moon River... I love it so much. It's so.. soothing. I hum it to myself when I need to. And it always works. To calm, to relax, to settle myself.. I don't even know why it means what it means to me - it's not the lyrics, certainly. It's something in the sound that just...clicks into whatever I need to be clicking into and everything settles down.
And miracles happen. Odd things happen - little odd things like a traffic light going red just as I come to the crossing, or a driver stopping for me when he needn't, or a librarian saying i needn't pay the late fee - for no reason other than kindness, or a friend texting or calling out of the blue when I feel stressed and alone, or a stranger offering an unprovoked compliment... little everyday miracles happen when I hum that song. And when I sing it out - at the top of my lungs - when the street around me's empty and it's dark and it rings in the night and floats off to meet the traffic noises and sirens and silence - I know the world's looking after me.
I guess the song just..reminds me of that. And everything, really.
It doesn't fit with any one particular person or memory or moment - the song just seems to fit with everything. Like in B at T's...it's the backdrop to every scene - they've a jazzy version for the party scene, a sad version when they need it, culminating with Audrey singing it on her window with that weird headscarf on her head..
Like in the movie where it fits in every scene...it fits with everything. Good moods and bad. It's my song right now. So, this is my movie right now.
And it's not even MY dvd! :)
*I know; too many halves. Get over it. :P