Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Rules - Made to be Broken

Relationship Advice Books are flying off the shelves. How the Media has had a bizarre impact on modern romance.

Romance is a confusing, difficult thing for many of us. We can often feel lost, especially in the wake of a break-up. We can be left desperate for answers and explanations – why didn't it work? Why can't I find someone? Is there such thing as "the one"?

In the last few years we've seen numerous books aimed at both men and women claiming to hold these answers, selling millions of copies around the globe. Are they really beneficial, or just exploiting our vulnerabilities?

Ever since the book He's Just Not That Into You was featured on the Oprah Winfrey show, it's been topping best-seller lists worldwide. Inspired by an episode of Sex and the City and written by Liz Tuccillo and the show's former writer Greg Behrendt, this book challenges many of the myths that women create about men and dating by explaining things simply and realistically – and from a guy's perspective.

It's called a Break-up because it's Broken, also by Behrendt, attempts to help men and women come to grips with the rejection and confusion of a break-up, and to accept that it wasn't working. Writing this time from the perspective of someone who has been dumped and survived, Behrendt tackles difficult issues like the crazy out-of-character behaviour and obsessive thinking that many "dumpees" experience.

If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? by Susan Page provides 10 strategies which are supposedly critical to success in love. The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider is an infamous Bible. Its followers call themselves the "Rules Girls" and are convinced of the philosophy's power. Some would say that the book is outdated, with its return to pre-feminist mind games. However, it is also considered by many to be useful and motivational. And the authors' only credentials? They're married.

Most of The Rules involve playing hard to get, and letting the man come to you – which is of course manipulative, but can give girls with low confidence a feeling of empowerment and of being in control – something that thousands would happily pay for. And they do.

The Rules reached number one on every major bestseller list, and sold over 1.4 million copies in America alone. It received tremendous media attention which quickly catapulted it to world-fame, having been featured on various TV shows and in Time, Newsweek and many others publications.

Wendy Finerman (Forrest Gump) and Paramount Pictures have optioned film rights to The Rules. Ben Affleck is currently in talks to star opposite Jennifer Aniston and Scarlett Johansson in He's Just Not That Into You the movie, which will have a number of interweaving stories about modern relationships. Both films will, of course, be box-office smashes. People lap this stuff up.

Sex and the City, Friends and other hugely popular shows like them have had more of an impact on the modern perception of romance than anyone could have imagined. Women's attitudes towards their own sexuality have dramatically changed too.

Prudishness and discreteness are looked on as stuffy and old-fashioned, and buying a Rampant Rabbit is almost like a right of passage. Outrageous new concepts like "fuckbuddies", "going on a break", "one-night stands" and "flings" have made their way into our vocabulary, and our love lives.

It's remarkable how quickly we adopted this bizarre belief system. Relationships are strictly categorised as "serious" or "casual", "exclusive" or "open". Commitment – something once sought as the final goal of any relationship – is avoided at all costs and the word alone strikes fear in the hearts of men and women alike. In today's world, being "tied down" is portrayed as the ultimate enemy to freedom, and a successful career.

These authors are making a lot of money, and little wonder so many people are turning to their books to make sense of it all – modern relationships are positively insane. There are so many specifications, rules and restrictions, and a whole new terminology to come to grips with; taking things to "the next level", being "just friends", clingy-ness, "coming on too strong", playing it "cool", leaving a minimum of three days before you call… It's certainly become a lot more complicated than the old Boy Meets Girl story.

Books, TV, magazines and even modern music are telling us how to be in control and how to gain the upper hand in relationships. Am I the only one who feels the fun has gone out of it all? Is it supposed to feel like a power struggle?

In today's world we are getting married a lot later in life, so the reality is that the relationships we have in our youth, and well into our twenties, are not likely to last – so why not have fun with them? Why obsess over the why why whys of failed relationships?

Relationships can, and should, be eye-opening opportunities to get into someone else's head, to get interested in new things and new types of people. Share with them what you're interested in, and give their stuff a go. Learn from them. Broaden your interests and your mind. And when life decides it's not working anymore, take what you've learned and move on.

The advice and explanations these books provide can be comforting – after a break-up we need all the help we can get – but all this over-analysis, over-thinking, and over-liberalisation of sexuality is warping our outlook on things. If you obsess over every little detail, how can you get any enjoyment out of your time with that person? Is he going to call? Is she looking for something serious? Is this moving too fast? It's about time we realised just how ridiculous things have gotten and how we're making everything a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

These books claim they can show you how to control the course of love, or how to control someone's attraction to you. No book can give you that power. Those urges come from our most basic animal instincts. You are bound to want people who are wrong for you, you will always feel terrible after a break up, and you will often find yourself getting swept up in it all, getting carried away, or acting crazy. And that's ok!

If Romeo and Juliet had followed the rules and obsessed about doing everything "right", theirs would have been a fairly boring story. Although, the end may not have been so tragic.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Sweet Music

I love music. Doesn't everyone? But music is a pretty touchy subject for some people.

I love Punk, Funk, Soul, Metal, Rap, R&B, Trad, Ballads, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, Noughties, Dance, Trance, Pure Cheese, Classical Genius... anything and everything.

And WHY NOT?! There's gold in every genre. Music should;
1. SAY something!
2. Make you wanna Dance or Sing!
or 3. Make you FEEL something. Up, down, good, sh!te, nostalgic, relaxed, whatever!
Outside of that what else matters!?

Music isn't a brand or a fashion statement - that band tshirt does NOT make everyone go "wow how cool he likes ____!!". It's just a fucking TSHIRT!! A person's music taste says nothing about who they are. NOTHING!

WHY do people think they'll be compatible if they have the same music taste? Rubbish! Idiots like cradle of filth, but so do perfectly nice people. My dad listens to Metallica and so do half the little pree-teens in the world. Pretentious uber-"alternative" people hate pop - so do 80 year olds.

I feel I have a healthy, varied and balanced musical diet. I HUGELY dislike music snobs.

Why rule out things you've never heard?

Why is metal "noise" to some people? It's not! Have you listened to it?!

Why is indie cool now - what's so great about a genre where the bands sound SO alike there's no telling them apart! Indie used to be short for Independent. Now it's short for mass-produced, skinny-jeans-wearing wankers.

Why are quirkiness and catchiness consiered BAD things?!

What's wrong with dance music - it's just for dancing to! Cascada never claimed to be the next bloody Chopin!

Why don't people write about things that MATTER anymore?! (Greenday aren't great but at least they're TRYING!)

Whew. I feel better now.

Monday, November 19, 2007

How dare you!!

Ouch. Never been dumped before - feel quite huffy and indignant!!!
But, I suppose, when your pride hurts more than your feelings do you KNOW it mustn't have been right.

Although, I won't lie, I'm also feeling a little deflated. Disgusting, sad, insulted, ugly, rejected - all the usual shite. But that's normal and that'll pass. I mean... he said it wasn't working, and that it was fun for a while but wouldn't go anywhere etc... which was hard to hear and quite cold. But I've thought about it and actually found I agree with everything he said.

I was never gonna fall for the guy, to put it frankly. And I'm lucky in that. Because there's no way I'd be taking this so well if I had! But it would've just bin a big waste of time, energy and money in the end.

We'd so little in common. His priorities in life were weird. A total music snob. He didn't seem to have any ambitions or passions or dreams or anything. None he told me about anyway.

Yet I thought nothing of that because he was just so perfect on paper. Sweet and cute. Perfect height for me. Funny. Thoughtful. He said and did everything he was supposed to and texted just as often as he should. But... there was just no fire!

And so, I was indignant. Yeah! Strange reaction, but it was my first one. I mean – I did everything right!!

Usually in relationships I mess up in some way, or act neurotic, or (this is why I've never been dumped before) dump him in some nutty panic (wanting to hit first and save face!)... So – usually – I'm at LEAST partially at fault when it goes down the sh!tter. But in the last year I've done a lot of reflection, taken time to myself, thinking, working on myself... And I'm not that person anymore. I got comfortable with being single. I'm very happy with who I am, and I KNOW who I am and... well... I suppose I've matured!

So, anyway, yes, I was indignant and surprised. It didn't work?! How dare you! That was flawless! I can't be faulted for this! Shouldn't the dumpee be the person most at fault?

Nah. This has helped me realise that sometimes no one is at fault. Just because someone hasn't pissed you off or screwed you over doesn't mean you should stay together – doesn't mean you FIT. You don't need to wait for an excuse to come along before you can legitimately – fairly – dump someone. (I was waiting for one!) Someone once said – a crap boyfriend's better than NO boyfriend. Bull!!!! Not having one is lovely!

If you're not happy and not right for each other it's ok to end it. Why shouldn't it be? I'm happiest when I'm single! And not just in the "wooo I can do anything I want!!" way, more like the "wooo no pressure, no obligation, no gifts, no extra stress, no 'talking', no opening up, no letting someone in, no meticulous planning, and a lot more space to be impulsive!"

So... Thanks Dec! (Even if ya DID ruin my perfect record - you prick – wish I'd gotten there first!)

Friday, November 02, 2007

An Eye-Opening Visit to Belfast

At 9:30am, on Thursday October 25th, a group of students met with Jamie Ó Tuama of the Conradh na Gaeilge outside the League’s building on Harcourt Street, Dublin 2. Picket signs and flags at the ready, they were to drive to Belfast to protest outside the Department of Culture, Arts and Leisure.

This was in reaction to Minister Edwin Poots’ announcement the previous week where he stated there would be no Irish Language Act in the North, despite two public consultation processes showing an undeniable majority were in favour of its introduction.

As we entered Belfast, I noticed hundreds of small white stickers that read “GAEILGE” adorning almost every road sign. Jamie explained that this apparent vandalism is part of the ‘As Gaeilge Anois’ campaign. Run by a network of young Irish speakers between 18 and 30, it was inspired by similar campaigns in Wales, Scotland and the Basque country. It aims to draw attention to the lack of Irish translations on many road signs.

As we were passing, Jamie pointed out the site of HM Prison Maze where the hunger strikers of '81 were imprisoned. Landmarks like this one, and the radical graffiti on every corner on Falls Road, are just some of the many signs of beautiful Belfast’s turbulent past.

The Department building is situated quite centrally – right alongside the University of Ulster. Around forty protestors stood in its doorway chanting “Acht Gaeilge Anois!” and “Cearta Teanga Cearta Daonra!” Tacked to the walls were posters bearing “Mister Poots, Open Your Mind” and similar slogans.

To the delight of the primary schoolchildren, brought out by their teachers to represent Bunscoil Mhic Reachtain, a man dressed in a chicken suit arrived with a sign reading “Have Some Courage, Edwin!” Some older children had come from Meanscoil Feiriste, and couldn’t help but crack a smile as the chicken clowned around for the benefit of the cameras.

Ciarán Mac Giolla Bhéin, chairperson of the Irish language organisation, ACHT, agreed to an interview right on the scene and spoke with the conviction of a true Gaelgóir; “Both the Irish and British governments promised this Act would come in, yet Poots has now stated that he is not prepared to spend significant amounts of money on this sort of legislation.”

This promise was made last year as part of the St Andrews Agreement, an international agreement to enact Irish language legislation. It now seems this will not be fulfilled.

“In the first consultation process last year, 93% of those surveyed said they would be in favour of this legislation and of comprehensive rights-based legislation,” says Mac Giolla Bhéin. “Even though this dropped in the second process to 65% that is still a clear majority.

“You’re talking about thousands of people here! When they refuse to acknowledge these results, it’s not just the opinions of the Irish speakers they are disregarding, but everyone’s.”

Mac Giolla Bhéin insists all of Poots’ excuses can be discredited with ease. Many unionists have argued, however, that the Irish language has been politically hijacked by republicans, making it a deeply divisive issue. So is the real issue that people are nervous of bringing in any legislation to do with An Ghaeilge?

“Maybe, yes,” he says thoughtfully. “The opinion we have would be that there is much more than just a strong cultural aspect to it. The people who are against the Act are similar to those who laboured to keep the language under-foot in the past, and it was like that for hundreds of years.

“Many politicians in the North are of the opinion that they have to avoid the issue of the language. They are not happy to give any real place to An Ghaeilge and seem to endeavour to put blocks in its way – blocking Irish-medium education, the Irish-language media, and so on.

“We have to speak out, expressing our rejection of this negative attitude and our dissatisfaction with this bad work. It is sheer trickery on the part of the British government. They called for a consultation processes, then another because they wanted a different result, and also to buy themselves more time.

“This is by no means a case of Poots working on his own, the British government say that the language is a controversial issue and (the legislation) would not be accepted by both sides.”

That makes little sense. I point out that the Act merely gives people the right to have services through Irish provided to them – at their own request. Therefore what harm could it possibly do to non-Irish-speakers?

“Exactly,” beams Ciarán. “That is the way we see it and the way it is seen internationally from the point of view of human rights. If a community requests these services to be provided in a language other than English they should be entitled to that.

“Their biggest excuse, and main reason for breaking their word, is the issue of cost. But don’t they understand that an phobal na gaeilge pays taxes too? I pay taxes and I am basically paying them to ignore my requests, print more documents, and provide more of these services through English – and English alone. Personally, I don’t want my money spent in that way. It’s not at all fair.”

But will this demonstration make any real difference? “It will get peoples’ attention. It speaks clearly to the likes of Poots, saying that we find this treatment unacceptable and were distraught upon hearing the promised Act would not come about.”

“Politicians may fear it somewhat, but the consultation process further proved that many within the English-speaking community have a great respect for An Ghaeilge. Without that support we may well not have made the huge amount of progress that we have in the last few years.”

He pauses and fondly looks around as another round of “Acht Gaeilge Anois!” errupts from the small mob of activists. “Take those who are here protesting today. Some of them don’t have a word of Irish, but they can still understand that it has a great importance. They understand that its preservation is crucial, and are volunteering their time to come out here and defend it.”

The schoolteachers have begun to lead the young children away. Ciarán sighs and remarks, “We’ll keep working hard and trying again whenever we fail. Maybe, in thirty years’ time, if the Irish-speaking people of Northern Ireland are still denied their right to their language, these children might just be back here to protest again.

“The Irish-speaking community is a community that is no different to any other, and just as important. Sometimes we just need to have the courage to show people that. Nothing will ever be accomplished for An Ghaeilge without a lot of hard work and putting people under pressure.”

*class assignment*

Saturday, September 08, 2007

You're so vain......

I love makeup. I love experimenting with colours and shades and designs. I love cutting my own hair. I love getting dressed up. I find NOTHING more relaxing or soothing than sitting in front of a mirror and poking and prodding at myself. I could spend hours at it! Just like I’ve often spent hours drawing!

I’m not vain. I suppose I’m like a cat… or a bird or something; I preen when I’m bored! It’s not the same as vanity because it’s not that I’m obsessive about how I look; I don’t discreetly check myself out in darkened shop windows to admire myself! No! To me makeup's like a hobby. It’s listed in my “Interests” and if you click you’ll notice I’m not the only one. It’s relaxing and fun and I’d even go as far as to call it a type of art.

The wikipedia article on body modification lists makeup along with things like ear piercing, tongue splitting(yuck), tattooing, scarification, foot-binding, tooth filling, skin removal, implantations, branding and corsetry… Isn’t that strange? Read the article – – I actually couldn’t get over how they can put something like Neck-Stretching in the same category as fake tan! Essentially, they are all just different ways of messing with how you look.

And think about it – it’s makeup ARTIST, tattoo ARTIST – it’s art and it’s just like any form of self expression. That’s what I see makeup as anyway... A little flick of eyeliner and carefully blended colours - without it I don't feel like ME. Just like my mole or my tattoo - the way I do my make-up's another thing that makes me different. I don't feel confident without it either. It's no harm and it's an insecurity I'll probably grow out of.

People have said, oh but that's the real you! Don't cover it up! ... Well, feck that! It doesn't FEEL like the real me. I've had various skin conditions and used aaaall sorts of chemicals on it over the years and it's left my skin's pigmentation looking a little funny. I don't think that's "the real me". It's not what I want people to see when they look at me. If I look good, I feel good. And when ya feel more comfortable it's easier to be yourself, right?

I dunno, as usual I’m rambling a bit... I just, y'know, I HATE the word "vain". I hate the idea of it. I hate that it’s a criticism! It shouldn’t be! Yes, of course it’s bad to be preoccupied with oneself, but what’s wrong with a little extra self confidence? Everyone could use it. And everyone SHOULD love themselves and look after themselves. Their health, their mind, their appearance... How can you be happy if you don't love yourself?

Is it vain to have pride in how you look? Is it vain to KNOW when you look well; to agree with a compliment? Why shrug it off or get uncomfortable - don't argue with compliments! Say thank you!!!

Is it vain to spend hours – and hundreds of euro – on how you look?
Well, that’s what this guy did. Is this vanity?!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Mount first, ask questions later!

I read this article a few weeks ago....
think it was from Time magazine's archives - not sure. anyway, it said something like - the only reason man invented language was so that he could complain!

we'd be so much better off without language. it does nothing for us but complicate things!

once language started to develop, people complained, and could have their opinions heard - and people listened, and rules were made...
rules that decided what was "bad" and "good" with complicated reasons as to why.

we all have this belief that we as humans are so much better than animals - but isn't life so much simpler for them?? why d'ya think relationships are so much more confusing for us than for animals? (mount first, ask questions later! or not at all!)
it's because of all the talking!! what good does all that talking do when the only reason for relationships or anything else is survival of the species. sorry to burst people's bubbles, but belief in "soul mates", like most beliefs, are just side-effects of the invention of language....... as we all know people do have a tendency to talk crap. i think that tendency's probably been there since the dawn of time..

have you ever noticed how much easier it is to show you're happy (smile) than to show you're sad?
or angry? it's never as simple as making a face - you still DO pull a face, but only so you can get people's attention, and can then explain yourself. how you feel. what's troubling you. what's on your mind.

i was talking to this guy who hasn't the best English, and it was so easy to talk to him and get on with him! i mean, i found myself having to talk slower, and think more about what i was saying in order to say things in the simplest way. i found i felt better about what i was saying. i was thinking way clearer since i had to cut out the crap. i realised how needless all the other words and embellishments really are...
no one cares if you're deep or aloof or a mystery wrapped in an enigma or whatever stupid angst-ridden image you're tryin to perpetuate for yourself to seem more all comes down to attraction. you can be the most DULL person in the world and someone can fall for you. not because you're full of enough hot air to fly a blimp, but because it doesn't MATTER what you say or think or whatever. no one will care as much as you wish they would. many people like the sound of their own voice and may have loads to say, but only a TINY % of it is even WORTH saying, if you think about it...
opinions and personalities are temporary, fickle, irrational and (for lack of a better word) random!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Legalise it?

(Journo Assignment, Feb 26th 07 - interviewed randomers in Dublin City)

Gay Byrne's statement to Eamonn Dunphy last weekend has managed to open a controversial, although vital, discussion about the possibility of legalising certain drugs. The media is lapping it up, thrilled to report such a controversy.

The whole furore is reminiscent of Gaybo's younger, crazier days - constantly pushing for discussion of issues which people were reluctant to hear about. After all, "There was no sex in Ireland before the Late Late Show!"

The time has come for a proper debate and for the subject's taboo to be lifted. Gay's point that the current legislation against drugs has "demonstrably failed" is a reasonable one, but is legalisation really the way to go?

In a Vox Pop around Dublin's city streets, responses were varied. Some were vehemently against legalisation, answering with a definite and resounding "No!" Others were very much in favour of it, thinking it would do wonders for crime. A Mr. Mc Donnel (28) remarked that "You wouldn't have people going out robbing houses!" He also believed muggings and violent crimes would be hugely reduced.

According to Mr. Mc Donnel, Ireland would simply turn into another Holland , improving tourism for (perhaps) all the wrong reasons.

An elderly couple chorused sagely that "It won't stop, it'll never stop", adding that "drug barons will still reign" even if some or all drugs were made legal. According to them, it would reverse all the good efforts made to wean people off drugs (with Methadone Clinics etc)

"Look at Holland, it's pretty mellow, but in Ireland we're just not used to it" said Shamlan (18), a student of RCSI, who made the point that a responsible drug culture wouldn't be able to develop "all of a sudden". It is certainly possible that it would make the crime situation a lot worse, with people simply taking advantage of any new leniency.

Gay was not specific as to whether he felt some or all drugs should be legalised, but a surprising amount of people interviewed were in favour of Cannabis's legalisation, even those totally opposed to other drugs.

Recent statistics show that close to 50% of people between the ages of 12-17 have used Cannabis – and that's just those who admit it! The fact is that drugs are readily available in Ireland to anyone who wants them, and the Drugs Squad estimate that they only intercept around 10% of all drug imports.

Two Gardaí on patrol in St. Steven's Green said they'd be delighted if softer drugs were legalised. "It would get the junkies out of here anyway, because they could go home to do it!" I laughed an agreement, having often noticed huddles of suspiciously giddy teenagers hidden among the trees, shrouded in smoke.

Cannabis (aka Marijuana, Weed, Grass, Herb, Hash, Dope, Hemp, Pot…) is known to have medicinal uses. It can, for example, be used to ease a terminally ill patient's pain. Last January a British couple and one other person were arrested and given 9-month suspended sentences for selling cannabis-laced chocolate bars to multiple sclerosis sufferers.

They reportedly told police they made the "Canna-Biz" bars (containing around 3.5 grams of the substance) in their kitchen and mailed them out on request. They insisted the product was only available to MS sufferers who provided a medical note confirming their condition .

B. Shorthall (50), who admitted that he himself used to smoke Cannabis and subsequently dabbled in many other drugs, said this progression was simply a personal choice. He denounced the common belief that Cannabis is a "Gateway Drug".

He said he knows many people who have been "smokers" all their lives and have never seen the need to try any "harder" drugs. In fact, in his opinion, if soft drugs such as Cannabis were legal, it would mean that users would not have the contact with dealers they do now - lessening the temptation to experiment with "harder stuff" down the line.

"I don't think (Cannabis) is necessarily harmfull" he said. A common view seems to be that the fact "weed" is illegal, while alcohol flows freely, is an absurd double-standard. Alcohol makes a person behave violently, while smoking has a much more placating effect. Also, alcohol is just as damaging to a person's mental and physical health – if not more so.

Mr. Shotrhall insisted that Cannabis's legalisation would be greatly beneficial to making "smoking" safer, as it would bring about quality control. One of the greatest dangers to users of "grass" is that it can often be laced with PolyChlorinated Biphenyl (PCB), a highly dangerous chemical also known as "Angeldust".

When asked if he thought there was any truth in the supposed link between Cannabis usage and schizophrenia, he shook his head, saying, "of course it is mentally detrimental if a person were to smoke it every single day... it certainly dulls the brain... and can make a person lose perspective... but posession definitely shouldn't be a criminal offence."

"It should be taken the way someone would take a glass of wine with a meal" he said.

*class assignment - enjoyed this one*

Saturday, February 10, 2007


Fixed to her pike, plain pairless sock,
Can fill, inflate and fly.
Can flutter, dance, can live a while,
Can stretch and touch the sky

But at a whim, such highs'n'lows,
Outside all her control,
Unpredictable! A sudden shift
And she will faint and fall

And limply hang, a crumpled piteous cloth,
And, patiently,
Will wait and pray for the next gust
To toss her violently.

And flap, so stretched and straining,
Feeling at last alive...
Worth the harsh wind's tearing
To fill, inflate, and fly.

Written for school mag competition aaaages ago... Just foung it there...
Oh, If you're wondering, I didn't win.
(Everyone said it should have, though! *gloat*)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Is anyone else sick of feeling "obliged"?

Love's awful crafty....
Each time feels better than the last, maybe cos you can't quite remember exactly how the last one felt...obscured a little by all that awful sh!te you can't quite bring yerself to forget
(self-indulgent moping.. who doesn't?)
It knocks the legs out from under you and you fall right into it, face first, without a word of warning or any time to think and stop yerself.
Not even completely over the last one, and cupid just keeps on shootin....

..well! Anyway!

Sex sucks.
Why is it that once a girl's lost her virginity, anything goes? Even those who wait, wanting their first time to be "special"... waiting till they're "ready".... Even they seem to just throw threir morals out the window and their legs in the air because, for some mad reason, once the first time's out of the way - anything goes!

The next guy doesn't have to wait at all. Why? Why is it only the first time that it "matters"..? Is it that we suddenly feel it's not the big deal we thought it was? It IS a big deal! WHY should sex depreciate in value and importance after the first pop?


As well as that, too much sex is bad for a relationship... It doesn't deepen the bond, make you feel closer to the person... Except temporarily! And that's just biology, baby...
Unless you've already reached a certain level without it, you'll get a nasty shock one day when it wears off... And you're confused and utterly thrown by the fact that your "love's blown cold". Nuh uh. Hormones have just stopped buzzin.

Every time should be as special as the first. I'm sick of that grimey, cringe-inducing feeling when you think back on what it was like being "with" your ex. I'm sick of relationships falling to pieces because sex, or something related to it, takes up all the time you have together. I'm sick of feeling there's a pressure, an obligation almost...just 'cos it's "the done thing" now in this sex and the city generation...
Does anyone else feel that way? If you're going out with someone, you will be having sex. Period. It's accepted, exPECTed, taken for granted... It's conidered WEIRD if you AREN'T doing it!
Should it be?? I think it's just a smidge bizarre to be honest.. cop on, girls..

So....yeah. As of now I - personally - am going on a Sex Diet. And a Love Diet, as everything's still a little raw. I'm just gonna take a little big break from all this...and get my head straight.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Can I be forgiven for things I don't know I did?

get it? of course you do.

three seperate conversations, three seperate incidences, all in one day, were enough to set me thinking about how little people understand of each other.

even the closest friends seem startlingly clueless of one another sometimes.

true empathy is near impossible. visualising yourself in someone else's shoes can only get you so far. even the most compassionate of people sometimes just.. don't.. get it..

not turning up at someone's birthday party mightn't seem a big deal to you, you did your best, and you got them a present anyway, right?

the birthday-boy or girl, however, may have gladly gone without a present. maybe all they wanted was for you to turn up. or make a real effort to.

or to spend some time with them. and they're now left bitterly disappointed.

but can they point it out to you?


the reaction would of course be, "what's the big deal?" god, what's HER problem! etc...

because in their mind, they've done nothing wrong. they did their best.

yet you can't help wondering...WAS it their best? it certainly seemed like they could've done more...

none of this is explained to each other untill one person's anger gets the better of them.

and of course, when that happens, no one will be prepared to listen to the other - to make the effort to understand while being shouted at is laughable.

it's sad that we are totally ignorant of the workings of even our closest friends' minds.

it's crazy how far we can miss the point by.

i wonder how many things there are that i may never be forgiven for, that i never knew i did.

people see the world in such strikingly different ways... ways that make total sense to them, and little to someone else.

i've seen people fall out for "no good reason"

but in their minds, there's always a reason. perhaps some small, stupid thing that got under their skin, and out of control..

it's so easy to get annoyed at someone for some horrible thing they've done to you. they may not be aware of it in the slightest. they may see you as totally unreasonable in their inability to see where you're coming from...

but if it's so obvious to you, you expect it to be to them (it MUST be!) ..and are annoyed.

sad thing about it; it never is.

try not to be too harsh on people who p!ss you off out of innocent ignorance. i've lost friends that way, and even if you get a "what's the big deal"-style reply, maybe that's an opportunity you can take to TELL them what it is. to get through to them.

maybe they'll STILL never "get it". but at least you'll have tried, and that's better than holding something against them that they're totally unaware of.

things left unresolved don't go away..and can accumulate to poison your mind against a person.

no one's perfect. people aren't mind readers.

confrontation mightn't be successful, or fun, but it's always better to be open that to be quietly bitter... which tends to pile up and, in the end, make you very, very irrational.

don't expect people to read your mind. if they don't seem to understand where yer coming from, try tellin'm.

oh yeah, by the way, people will always let you down. i almost expect it at this stage.

it's hard enough getting your own life in of course we do sometimes neglect others, unintentionally.

maybe their expectations of us are too high. maybe their dependence on us too high.

whatever it happens. and always will happen. and sucks. but it's part of life.

lean on your friends, but depend on yourself. be honest with your friends, but trust yourself.

and be there for your friends, but don't forget yourself.
**bad, old posts from 03ish, imported from myspace blog**