Friday, August 25, 2006

"one out of every million"

*bad, old posts from 03ish, imported from myspace blog*
Few things annoy me as much as chain letters...

bloody things drive me up the walls!

they're much less common in the post than they used be...(apart from that weird one, "send a (freshly bought!!)pair of panties to whoever sent you this, then send it on to 50 people - you'll have 50 new pairs of panties!!!")

but that's only since chain-e-mails replaced the old-fashioned letters..!

y'know, i have to out of every million of'm are actually a pleasure to recieve...! rather than a hair-pulling annoyance... they're not all bad.

here's a selection of them... the few i resisted deleting.



Fw: When a Guy Says He Misses You...

When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else

Girl facts:

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says, "Ill love you forever,"
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that

---repost this in 10 minutes and your true love will call you (etc etc)



go here!!! He deserves it:



Question 1: > If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2: > It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three
candidates. Candidate A. > Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day
Candidate B. > He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, > used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey
every evening.
Candidate C. > He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't > smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated
on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? > > > >
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >


Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. > > >
Candidate B is Winston Churchill. > > >
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. > >
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: > > If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
> > Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging > someone. > Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep > reading... > > Never be afraid to try something new. > >

Remember: Amateurs...built the ark. Professionals...built the > Titanic > > >
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has > a little more than 500 employees and has the following
statistics: > >

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse > > * 7 have been arrested for fraud > > * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses >
* 3 have done time for assault >
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit >
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges > >
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting > >
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits > >
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year... > > > >

Can you guess which organisation this is? > > > > > > Give up yet? > > > It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The > same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to > keep the rest of us in line. > > > You gotta pass this on....



Dublin Drinking Guide
SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made complete arsehole of self.