Friday, March 20, 2009
It's sick, and I shouldn't be so delighted by it, but I just stumbled across a person's Facebook page and LMAO-ed. It's someone who bullied me in primary school - and now they're FAT.
I shouldn't laugh. By their page, they seem like they've become quite a nice person (they had to develop a personality I guess... being FAT and all)
Also, we were all kids (before some of us got FAT) - and kids are stupid and don't MEAN what they're doing. At that age, no one expects the comments they make to affect a person's future - who even thinks about that?
I forgave them all the day of that ceremony they held in my Secondary school for the boy in my year who killed himself. I remember the moment that all that anger left me. A person (who gave me a far worse time than fatty ever did) was in bits crying... and, as I passed (having never spoken to them in years despite being in school together) put my arm on theirs and said something I can't remember.
And they said;
And really meant it.
It hit me then; how dumb I was being holding onto that anger for so long. What did it matter?
This person, like fatty, was only one of many who contributed to the bullshit - and I know, I know; one has to take responsibility for the way one deals with things. Yes, it was cruel, yes, it was incessant, and yes, I nearly changed schools because of it (Pride stopped me) And, yes... I lost myself and didn't come back for a long, long time.
But, I grew from it. And, in a lot of ways, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sounds like a cliche, but I'm stronger for it - and miles more confident now than I might otherwise have been. I made some of the best friends I'll ever have, too.
I could've hidden, or gotten rid of, my quirky weird oddness that made them laugh at me. I could've pretended I was someone else. I could've been a sheep like so many of them were. I could've had a much less interesting life.
Maybe I wouldn't have developed my insatiable drive to prove myself. Maybe I wouldn't know myself as well as I do now were it not for years spent as an introvert.
I wouldn't change a damn thing about my life. Because who I am, and where I'm at, today, is AWESOME. Even the crap stuff, the hard times, the heartaches, the (terrible) mistakes, the lowest moments of my life, the losses, the embarrassments, the guilt, the shame, the hurt... It's all a part of me. As much a part of me as any of my successes.
So, thanks! (.... fatty.)