To whom it may concern...

Dear Assholes,

I'm writing to all the self-obsessed, the pity-whores, the thoughtless wankers, the bitter, and the stupid people who have passed through my life... I’ve befriended you, worked with you, dated you, fallen for you, or dumped/been dumped by you. And tonight I would like to simply Thank You - just for being you!

I’d like to thank you because a lot of your horrid traits, ignorance, closed-mindedness, warped world-views, and selfish, evil hearts have made me think – wow, I hope I’M never like that. So, it lit a fire under me, and I’ve become more vigilant in my self-analysis and self-improvement. And I’ve grown a lot with every asshole I’ve encountered, and become a better person.

I always try to apologise when I fuck up – I know how important it is, because you DON’T. Even when you DO realise you’re wrong... (Rare as THAT may be, it does happen, except in the stupider majority of you)

I tend to be considerate of other people, and make an effort to be friendly, include people, and put people around me at ease – because I know how much things sucked when YOU DIDN’T BOTHER.

I don’t huff and puff and put on a grumpy face for attention, sympathy… or to coax someone into asking “Oh, what’s wrong?” Because YOU’VE shown me how irritating it is to be on the receiving end of that blatant attention-seeking “look-at-meee” bullshit. If you're over 4, you should be over THAT.

I try not to bitch about people or gossip, because it used to feel SHIT to find out assholes like YOU say worse about me. I say 'used to', because it doesn’t bother me anymore. (Desensitised to it at this stage – again, thanks to you assholes!!)

When I find myself acting like one of you, I stop and correct myself immediately – my worst fear is of becoming as shit a person as one of you guys. It would kill me! Awareness, and first-hand experience of what I don’t wanna EVER be, has helped me spot the warning signs and NOT end up like you. Thanks!

I try to reach a compromise, as I know how fucking infuriating it is when someone refuse to budge. Speaking of infuriating, how about those close-minded assholes among you? You lot are some piece of work. Convinced your word is truth and no one else’s opinion counts… Arguing with people like you shows me how NOT to get your point across effectively, and how to PISS everyone off so that they’ll NEVER take what you say on board.

And music snobs who judge people on what they listen to – btw, Goths, emos and all you other “alternative” peeps are JUST as guilty; perhaps MORE so, actually. Speaking of you lot, I have some goth friends, so I'm not attacking ALL of you, but, for the most part you're just attention-craving dickheads who think they're more interesting because they don't "conform" - bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT. Adopting an opinion, dress code or way of life JUST to be seen as different is CRAPPY and TACKY and HOLLOW and SHALLOW and just plain SAD. Try forming your own opinions, style and personality instead of joining a colony of clones. Stop hating people who are comfortable in their own skin and grow a pair... You're no better than people who go to restaurants and cause big scenes cos they're "vegan" or whatever and want EVERYONE to know about it. GET LIVES. Do what suits you, BE different if you wanna be, or (better yet) if you ARE... but don't DECIDE you FEEL like ACTING different to make a point when YOU. ARE. POINTLESS.

Thanks to all of you for your excellent examples of what NOT to strive for, what NOT to become, and how to be an irritant and a total dick.

Knowing you all has made me feel a LOT better about the person I am, and want to become. Because, see, that’s the big difference between me and you – I want to be a better person. YOU, however, wallow and mope, bitch and moan, and/or blame others for your (deservedly) shit lives. I try to better myself everyday. I stay positive, see the best in people, take other arguments into account, and laugh at everything. Though I get uptight and stressed sometimes, I don’t use it as an excuse to be bitchy to people (right now's just for fun!!) Though I’m sometimes wrong, I admit it and apologise. Though I’m not perfect, I’m closer than you’ll get...

Yours gratefully,
Aoife

PS Thanks for reminding me how much I rock. And how important it is to keep on rocking.