I read some old emails today… I tend to save the ones I know I’ll regret sending. Reading back on them days/weeks/months/years later helps me see how far I’ve come, and how far I have yet to go. Life goal? Conquer myself; have complete control of me. And, trust me, I will.
My housemate’s downstairs in the flat below us, and I can't sleep because the music’s blaring – but it’s American Pie, a song I must admit I quite like, so I’m in my living room singing along to a party I’m not at! But, with the paper-thin walls and floors we have, it’s not the first time either. And, y'know, there’s something really soothing about it… Comforting? And annoying. Odd combination..!
I really ought to go to sleep. It’s 5am and I have a lecture at 9 that I really need to be at.
A lot of things became clear tonight. Two posts ago (“Awake”) I spoke about not coming to the conclusion I was workin’ on; seemingly heading towards… I walked home again tonight and think I’ve finally got it. I think. Though there's not much to get. And reading the old I'm-Gonna-Regret-This-Email collection helped straighten things out in my head.
It's a good idea to save emails before sending them, wait an hour, or even a day, then re-read them before actually hitting "Send." A good idea that can stop you making a big mistake, but, seeing as I'm ME I rarely stop myself, and within seconds I'm like... oops.
Right now my arm itches, my feet hurt, my hair needs a wash tomorrow, and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm always feeling overwhelmed. I've been advised by more than a few people to give up some, or even just one, of my many commitments, jobs, and stuff I'm involved in. I would never. Not now! Life is for living, and I don't care how much I exhaust myself doing it. I love everything I do, and even if I'm buckaroo and about to kick off, I want more and more! I wanna push my limits. I was idle and bored (and borING) for long enough.
At least one of my most demanding, draining "commitments" is out of the picture now... even if he'll always be right there on the edge looking in.