Christmas?

Not this year. Please just go away.

I've always loved Christmas; I'm the one who sings along to all the cheesy songs, requests them in nightclubs, and when they're played as early as November, I'm usually delighted.

I've often started my Christmas shopping in January. Yes! 11 months in advance. I've often bought Christmas presents on holidays over the summer. I think about Christmas all year round. But I haven't done any shopping yet this year and I don't want to.

This year... fuck it. Just... fuck it. I'm not trying to make a statement, or do that annoying "i'm gonna pick a controversial opinion and go with it so i seem cool and unique" bullshit thing... I just don't feel like it this year. I've had enough of it.

It won't be the same. There's someone missing. Missing. Gone. There's a hole in my Christmas. Well, it's always been there, and it's grown from time to time, but it's just recently gotten bigger and I - and my family - can't bear this blow. Enough. I said enough three years ago... It's even MORE "enough" now...

And I am positively dreading next weekend. I'll be finished the semester in college, back at home for the holidays, and counting the days 'till new year.

New start, new year... bring it on... Hopefully it'll bring something good.