Thursday, January 31, 2008


I’m in a bad mood.
And I’m getting a headache. Which always happens when I’m in a bad FUCKING mood. Which always puts me into a WORSE fucking mood!

There’s some baldy weirdo at work who keeps fuhLIRTing with me and makes no secret of the fact that he’s a sleazy prick but I know that horrible look he gave to his friend was an "I’m-in-there" look.

WANKER! Leave me alone!

I’m just annoyed. Across-the-board, all-inclusive annoyed. Every INCH of me is annoyed. And yet, I’ll go out tonight after work, and get a few drinks I can’t afford, and grin and giggle like an idiot and have a "GREAT" time.


I’m sick of trying to be this! This... this happy-happy-cheesy-chatty ball of fucking friendliness! I just wanna be left the fuck alone and – preferably – lie in bed all day. All day EVERY day. I’m sick of pissing myself off and sick of people pissing me off and sick of being pissed-off in general!

I’ve always been an angry person, but no one would guess would they? Cos I’m so HAPPY. Smiling pleasantly, talking politely.. carefully-applied makeup and bottle-blonde hair and oh-so-freakin' friendly and good-natured all the time.. I wanna go back to listening to MY music - not "cool" music. Strong, angry music with a deep, all-consuming beat - and I DON'T CARE that I don't always know the album, track number and the lead singer's favourite fucking colour. I hate people showing off how much they "know" about their fave bands. It's not important. I miss my dark hair. I miss putting red and purple streaks in it. I miss when I didn't CARE to be seen kicking a chair or a wall or something.. before I got my temper "under control".

But I suppose that’s the old me, right?

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