Friday, October 21, 2011

No expectations, no disappointments?

Bit of a mad week, but good to know I've still an ok head on my shoulders (albeit a hot-tempered one)

I had a bit of a..disagreement.. with a lecturer regarding a grade (lost that one, which I've!)
Then I accidentally got "elected" as class rep after a ridiculous row broke out between a different lecturer of ours, and a different class group with which we share the lecture.

Lecturer walked out; other group made a plea for us to join their crusade; my classmate who objected (well, mainly just questioned!) and was shouted down....

I said, let's get out of here and chat, just to stop the aggro, stop things escalating, and save my classmate (who was jeered on exit!)


We agreed to stay out of it, and to appoint a class rep.

Shite! Bit of a shock, but I don't mind. Someone must.

The good news?
I'm not on my own in this! Another lad's sharing the position. (I'm very thankful for that! He missed out on the drama, and wasn't around for his "nomination", but was happy to help!


The stress of the week has gotten to me, though.. And this afternoon I had to leave work (with less than 4 hours left! I really tried..) Due to an aggressive, slow-building migraine that, despite my valiant refusal to go home all day, forced me to (eventually) give in.

And it drove me crazy. Shaking, and tearing up with frustration, I prayed for the wave of vomiting to hold off until I got off the jerking, lumbering, stuffy bus...and home.
It did. (For the most part)

But, instead of going home, I swallowed defiantly and stormed into the local doctors.
... Who were full up..
...Then to my local pharmacy. A very nice young pharmacist gave me some great advice and was very kind, recommended a doctor, and even gave me his name and promised to help any way he could.

My enquiry was about preventatives for migraine. Tried sanomigran as a teen - no noticeable change.
Saw the UCC Dr King of Migraines, who was very helpful, but provided a prescription for:
-a painkiller
-a triptan
-a preventative.

I already have a painkiller that, when I can keep it down, works fine. Unless the new one's impervious to being thrown up, it's no better.
Couldn't probably keep a triptan down either.
And preventatives...? First, they let me down before. Second, I hate, HATE the idea of being "on" something; on medication, daily, for life.
Third, if they don't work, the disappointment would kill me. They're only thought to help 50% of the time in 50% of the people. Plus, my trackrecord shows, time and again, I'm usually in the 50, 20, even 5% that get the dodgy side effects and minimal success. (Generall pattern in my life! Ha..)
.. It just feels weird.

But.. Enough is enough. I have to try these yokes again. If they fail me, at least I've seen it coming and won't be too heartbroken.

And I shouldn't be ashamed of going on medication. Sure, fuckin' hell, how many times have I said to other people: it doesn't change who you are, it's something you'll need to accept to be happy...
(Or stuff along those lines.. Loads!)

Why are we always more critical of ourselves?

Time I woke up to that myself. Migraine is said to be almost on par with epilepsy, in some ways, in terms of how disruptive it can become. (Well, I'm just quoting that... Personally I'd say epilepsy is FAR worse)... It ISN'T something I can pretend away anymore. 10-13 years of this! I'll still be the hot-headed, accidental achiever I've always been. I'm gonna have that 2year old prescription re-issued and, for the first time, FILLED.

I just hope I can find a good one, and.. MOST importantly.. remembering to take'm every day!

No comments:

Post a Comment