Who's laughing now?

"I laugh at everything (Well, almost)"

I wrote that^ in my profile on Bebo years ago when I first set it up. I've copied and pasted a similar version of the same spiel on roundabout every profile since. I stopped thinking about what I was pasting.

It's on my blogger profile. --->
I look at that line today, and feel like I should remove it.

When I wrote it, it was true, but I wouldn't write it today.

I'm not less happy - I'm very content at the moment!
Just... less carefree, I guess? Significantly less free time too. And... ay... so tired....


Off to bed then!

Yikes

This place gets more mental every day!

Right, so, was in college for about 40minutes today helping out with a big society thing (would have loved to have stayed longer) and, when about to leave to go back to work, said "sorry lads I really gotta be getting home"

Home?! Could be a slip of the tongue (like in primary school when you accidentally called your teacher mom) or... well... could have something to do with the 12+ hours a day I'm spending here! Doing your (un-freakin'-paid) work experience in the same place you already work part-time isn't something I'd recommend.

I thrive on being busy and, ok, most days I really love this, and I especially love the work I've been doing with the radio and everything (www.raidiorira.ie!!) ... but I can't help missing what things were like before Christmas; I'd work hard, and play harder, haha... I was busy and stressed, but had it all under control - comfortably enough to still go out and go crazy 3 or 4 times a week.. to still have some free time to speak of. Time for friends too! Think that's the main reason I haven't felt like myself. I like my own company, but not SO MUCH of it.

But, hey, it's better to feel like you've too much going on than too little, right?

(Right!)

Speaking of too much going on... one particular project still hasn't quite gotten off the ground. And it's frustrating, and I'm sure it would probably never come to much even if it did happen... But it's not worth worrying about anymore. I tried. What more can I do? It's not my fault it's not "happening". And I know for a fact that, even in the best-case scenario, it would be more time-consuming than absolutely everything else put together. And I would have even less time for friends/self.

Then again... it might make things easier in another sense.

GrrrrRRR. Headache. That's it. Enough. I've wasted enough time wondering about it and weighing it up. Done. Hands washed of it. Was always a bad idea. Back to drawing board. Different plan. Shiny new plan. (hehe..)

Ní freakin' fiú é. :D

Pizza, pjs agus neart deatach gan tine…

Is fada ó scríobh mé as Gaeilge anseo – bilingual intentions kinda gone out the window! Ach tá gaelspell agam ar mo ríomhaire anois. Class. So nílim chomh buartha faoi bhotúin (now it’s just the grammar I’ll fuck up!)
Cá’ll an leabhair “Ceart Litriú” when ya need it, eh?

Ní dheachaigh mé abhaile go Luimneach an deireadh seachtaine seo. I ndiaidh bheith chomh traochta t’réis an seachtain a bhí agam, shochraigh mé fanacht. Níor fhág mé an teach ach faoi dhó ó tháinig mé abhaile ar an Aoine! An cóisir aréir (iontach, ach ró-ólta… def earned a slagging, which i'll recieve Tuesday…), agus an t-aon uair eile a bhog mé óm chathaoir ná cúpla uair a chloig ó shin, nuair a phioc mé suas mo pizza ó Godfathers’ … (Níl sé níos saoire é a phiocadh suas, ach seo an dara huair in as many oícheanta gur fuaireas pizza. Mar sin, shiúl mé, so I wouldn’t feel as guilty/lazy!)

D’fhág mé ráiteas ar mo Facebook aréir a bhí… ait go leor…
Aoife says “Your move…”

Huh?! Aisteach or wha? N’fheadar ceard faoi a bhíos ag smaoineamh… ‘raibh sé dírithe ar duine áirithe? Gach seans go raibh. *shrugs* Though I CAN hazard a guess…

Bhí sé deas am a chaitheamh sa bhaile. Dublin-baile, I mean, not fíor-home. Tá rudaí stormy go leor thiar faoi láthair… agus nílim ag déanamh tagairt ar bith don aimsir… Bhí mé ann an deireadh seachtaine seo chaite. Bhí sé aisteach… gach éinne ag fanacht orm teacht abhaile le mo bhreithiúnas a fháil… Haha… well, not really… scéal fada… ach tá cineál ról agam sa chlann ó chailleadh mo seanmháthair cúpla bhliain ó shin, agus, táim sásta glacadh leis, agus tagann sé chugam go nádúrtha… fós… is mór an brú orm é in amantaí, ar nós i gcás an seachtain seo chaite. Ick. Messy situation.

Sílim gur chabhraigh mé go mór le mo chuid ionchur… Ach, is leor sin. (Ionchur – what a bullshit word! Chum mise focail nua coicís ó shin – Cathairdhreach! Cosúil le Tírdhreach? Cliste, no?)

Gach focail ar domhain – bhí ar duine éigin teacht suas leo. Táim i gcónaí ag lorg bealaí nua rudaí a rá as Gaeilge… Bíonn daoine ag gearrán faoi “béarlachas” agus rl. Céard fiú an bullshit sin? I ndáiríre – úsáideann muid ar fad focail agus nathanna ó teangacha eile agus muid ag labhairt Béarla – gach teanga ar domhain, bíonn tionchar ar teangacha eile orthu. Cén dochar? Is meán cumarsáid í an Ghaeilge, agus teanga ar bith, agus caithfidh tú í a úsáid i do bhealach féin. Déan do rud féin leí. Aimsíonn tú do ghuth féin nuair atá go leor den teanga foghlamtha agat, agus SIN líofacht, nuair’s féidir do pearsantacht a chur trasna! Má theastaíonn uait nathanna cainte a úsáid, agus muna bhfuil a leithéid ann sa Ghaeilge, fuck it! Úsáid é! Má caitheann daoine “like” nó “just” isteach ina gcuid Gaeilge ó am go chéile, cén dochar? Agus muid ag labhairt i mBéarla, ní ró-mhinic a bhímid buartha faoi cúrsaí gramadaí – agus níl éinne chun léimt ort má deirinn tú rud éigin nach bhfuil i gceart – tá’s againn nach scríobhaimis riamh mar sin é!
Pé scéal é… tá an obair ag dul go breá… Sin atáim a’ rá agus táim stickin’ to it!

Ach, go hionraic, is aoibhinn liom an stuif atá á dhéanamh agam faoi láthair – go háirithe an láithreoireacht raidió agus an scríbhneoireacht. Tá an t-ádh dearg orm bheith ag obair leis an legendary Dusty Rhodes chomh maith!

Táim ag moilliú síos go mór, áfach… ag cailliúint luas go ró-thapaigh agus ag coladh isteach go déanach sna maidine… leath den am, is mar gheall ar an obair san oíche a tharlaíonn sé… leath eile, mar gheall ar an easpa fuinneamh atá orm, agus an easpa muinín atá agam asam féin faoi láthair… Frustrated liom féin as bheith chomh distracted, agus unfocused is atáim. B’fhearr liom smacht a choinneal orm féin – ach ní bhímse faoi smacht agam riamh agus is mór an pian sa tóin é… (go háirithe agus mé i mo TOTAL control freak go nádúrtha..hehe..)

Táim tuirseach – can’t shake it off! Ach tiocfaidh an fuinnimh ar ais chugaim… seo an gnáth-rud domsa… An iomarca caffeine b’fhéidir!
Tá a lán ar m’intinn… táim buartha faoin crap atá ar siúl sa bhaile… Ach tá rud eile nach féidir liom stopadh ag smaoineamh faoi go háirithe – and it’s under my skin and it’s really getting irritating. Ní féidir liom ach… cur suas leis, is dóigh…

No – time to cop on. Seachas bheith ag suí agus ag déanamh mion-anailís ar gach rud, nó ag ligint nach gcuireann sé isteach orm, bheadh mé níos fearr as má thógaim aicsean éigin!
Ach céard?

Níl aon rud mícheart – níor tharla aon tubaiste – ach táim just… strussed! ‘s níl fhios agam céard ‘tá uaim. Ar a laghad, níl mórán am agam a thuilleadh le bheith ag smaoineamh faoi! :)

Big Question!

It’s 6am. And I just wrote a big long essay-length post a few hours ago – I know!! - but must post this! Will keep it brief.

I was sitting here, unable to sleep, doing one of those shitty internet quizzes, and I came to the simplest question in the world - but it really unsettled and surprised me.

Dog or Cat?

It seemed like nothing, and I scrolled down lazily to click dog… Then I thought, why was I clicking dog?

Because they’re more loyal, nicer pets. They care.
I froze.
But they need so much more attention. And I can’t always be there. And it’d be lonely, and restless. And eat everything in the house. I don’t think I could give it the time it needs. I can’t promise I’ll be there enough. I might not be able/happy to make time for it. I might get bored of it - or take it for granted - but the poor thing would be totally reliant on me and miserable. That would be horrible!

Click cat!

But all a cat wants is affection when it suits it, and food, and for its every need to be catered for, and it’ll give nothing back.
But… at least it’s completely indifferent to neglect; Independent enough to just… up and leave.



Woah....

Judge this.

No weekend plans so far. Loads of work to get done, but things are going very well! Baffled by the amount I’ve done this week. Really tired. But it’s cool. Stuff’s coming together.

Sex and the City was just on. Y’know, it’s odd – I watch it all the time, yet I really don’t like anything about it, and roll my eyes at people who say it's their fave show. Though, it's one of mine!! Silly, I know... It’s had a funny effect… and a lot of it’s crap… and what I hate is that it’s the kind of crap people buy into… It's almost like a religion for some, and otherwise-smart girls take it too seriously. Or, maybe they don't - I'm referring to people I only half-know, so, how should I know? Though, I s’pose it’s still.. entertaining… And I like the episode structure…

There was a particularly good line – are we too quick to judge judging? Talking about how being judgemental is considered a bad thing. For the most part, yes, open-mindedness all the way!! But, on the other hand… Some people are just ridiculous. Sometimes judgement is good. Reminds me of the whole PCness rampage nuisance issue… Anyway… whatever.

So there’s the update. But tonight I have the night off – and I am absolutely NOT going out, so hello! Back to my beautiful, sorely-missed blog! If I could hug you, I would. (oh, feck it, internet actions don’t have to make sense…) *hugs!!*

Tonight’s topic – my well-concealed nerdiness.

On Valentine’s day (a day which I never aknowledge but, for some reason, tends to always be memorable despite my best efforts) I spent the morning sorting through family crap (headache, headache, headache and a long story for another day and a less public forum…) And – though I wasn’t in the mood – I decided I’d go up the road where the Skycon (Skynet convention thingie) dudes were having a few brews that night. It was the last night, I’d missed all the lectures, talks, and funzies, and most of the con-goers were a little droopy-lookin after so many nights in a row on the lash… But I had a really freaking good time!

I met my hero - and I still can’t believe it. Even though I didn’t get an autograph, OR a personalised cartoon (damn you bastards who did!!), OR much time with him (damn Americans and their lack of drinking stamina – he was “tired” and had an “early flight” – he was gone within an hour of me arriving!! I know it was late, but, Boo! By the way, I was indeed as dumbstruck and retarded-acting as I knew I would be. Which sucks. ‘Cos he was DAMN cute! I think that made it even MORE nerve-wracking… When nervous around a person, I look and talk to everyone BUT them… so… not exactly the best tactic…!) – it was still cool! He was tired, but still interesting to chat to (the odd time I braved a brief word..!) Rgh. Anyway…*

But that wasn’t even the highlight of the night. Bizarre as this may sound (actually, it doesn’t really…) the highlight was chatting to my fun, semi-nerdy buddies from school who I never get to see anymore. I had no idea how much I missed that crap! Also, that tall cool English guy Jeff with his little robots – awesome and very, very interesting guy. But, my school buddies, two of whom read this so not gonna say anything (lol – freaked out? You should be :P) except that it was awesome spending time with’m… talking shite… Having a few drinks… I encountered only one un-cool person, but I don’t think they meant to come across as narrow-eyed-ly judgy and unfriendly…

Shite-talk was all it was… but the difference is, it’s fascinating shite-talk! Not yer run-of-the-mill stuff!

Like Hugh and his plans for building a working Delorean. L…M…A…O… I mean, seriously! I was enthralled! Fire-tyre-tracks, dry-ice to come out of the doors… he even thought about how best to achieve the sound effects! The only thing it WON’T do is…well… travel through time… But, as we all know, that was only ever a minor feature of the Delorean……*cough*

You don’t GET that quality of shite-talk or mad idea-throwing with non-nerds. And I’m sick of hiding my nerdish ways. We’re just a more interesting people!

There was a time where I had memorised the names of almost every single dinosaur there ever was… the era they lived in… and could draw’m fairly accurately from memory… It’s just the major ones that I can still remember, though…

I am a Pokémon master. Painstakingly trained my boys to level 100! And they. Are. Unstoppable. Come and have a go if ya think yer ‘ard enuff! (And if you can manage to find your Gameboy colour in the attic)

I used to make up my own Pokémon. Have several full copybooks of detailed designs and stats info… I submitted one to a Nintendo Mag comp. I didn’t win, some rubbish Loch Ness Monster-rip-off did and – when Gold and Silver were released, with a character that was TOO similar to my concept – I was CONVINCED they’d sent it off to Tajiri behind my back along with the other great ideas that never made it into the mag… Bastards!

((Quickly done on paint: I know they don't LOOK alike, but I SWEAR I had the idea for a water-electric Pokémon before ANYONE else. And look at the hideous shitty version they DID come up with - wouldn't my little beauty have made a much better edition to Gold and Silver?))


What else...
I was a regular in a chatroom; respected and feared by n00bs. And any chatroomers here will know how much time you gotta put in to be a known "reg". I knew all the lingo, and knew the URL by heart! I can still recite it! It's about 80characters long.

I’ve played FF7 through to the end around 10 times. But, please, who hasn’t?

Same goes with Ocarina of Time.

And the original MGS.

I LOVED Advent Children. My God. Nostalgia overload.

I was always Tails.

I LOVED the Sonic cartoons. Especially the more grown-up with the angrier theme-tune! “Soniiic… he can really move! Soniiic… he’s got an AAH-ti-tuuuude…. Soniic…. He’s the fastest thing AH-LIIIIIVE!!”

I cannot get up early. Never ever could… EXCEPT… at 7am for Power Rangers before school. Every day. (Back when it was at it's peak, that is. Lost interest when it became Super-turbo-hyper-mega-cool-awesome-wanker-asteroid-power-ninja-turtle Rangers, or whatever)

I taught myself HTML (hey, I know, it’s piss-easy as languages go, but bear in mind that, back then, there was no myspace and html was considered VERY cool)

I programmed a (shitty) clock once on a computer-summer-camp-course-thingie. Niall, what the hell was the course called?

I liked Monty Python before any of my friends. I watched it with my dad. I’d also watch Star Trek with him. He introduced me to Star Wars. My brother took a while to warm to it: but I was immediately mesmerised. He started reading the Hobbit to me when I was about 6 or 7. Maybe younger… And then progressed to the Lord of the Rings. He was so good – reading every night for hours! Such diligence too!

I remember once I fell asleep, and asked, “Could you go back to that bit with ((whatever it was))..? Sorry, but that’s the last thing I remember.”
Dad: “…That was 3 chapters ago.”

But he read it again! We used to argue too. And there’s one argument we’ve never finished – to this day – about the possibility of time-travel (NOT getting into it today…) I miss those arguments.

I guess he could be blamed for my nerdiness. Along with my green eyes. You rock dad!! (Though, could’ve done without the rubbish eyesight… they’re pretty, but don’t work good!)

Anyway; judging judgement. I judge people who judge people. I am judged, every day, for having bottle-blonde hair, and acting like a ditz, and various other reasons. I'm sick of the surprise on peoples' faces when it dawns on them that, yes, there IS something going on in my pretty little head. But I like it too. It gives me a smug sort of satisfaction. When a person makes an assumption about me, or are condescending towards me, I smile to myself and think about how much smarter than them I clearly am, and how much of a dense moron they must be.

Ha. Lousy!

*in-post promos of other posts by me are bad enough, but two of the same one? Sorry. I'm not a complete whore - I just like the wikipedia-clicky-word feeling it gives to posts (and it saves me re-explaining stuff I'm referring to)

All's quiet!

I have a few moments to myself. About 15 minutes. 20 if I push it. It's pretty... weird.

I've decided to give up soft drinks. Here's why...


scary right? By the time I'd read the whole way through, the thought of finishing my bottle of coke made me feel ill.

Still gonna partake in the occasional can of coke though. They're only little! And I'm gonna need the caffeine if I keep this up.

Something's gotta give. But what?
The barwork... I love it.. but it leaves me exhausted.
Evening work.. It would be very, very stupid to give that up. Not only was it my only source of income for a long time, but I can carry on working away on my laptop while I do it. It's also quite easy and the least stressful of all.
The door job thingie, and organising student night SUCH a cushy job, and the only reason I get to go to Oiche na Mac Leinn - if I quit it, that's be that. But it does mean I'm in this diabhal building for over 12 hours on a tuesday!

Well... not this tuesday.

I was very, very late for my work placement today. I am so.. so tired. I fainted! (I think!) I feel terrible - guilty and tired and ... guilty! This is why something has GOT to give. Fine, yes, I know I don't get paid for it, but I really, really wanted to make a good impression and wow them - and at first that's exactly what I did - but like, 2 weeks in and I'm just... well, let's just put it this way - the girl I work with, who's wonderful and a good friend of mine, seemed really, really pissed off with me. I don't blame her. I couldn't get away with this sparcity of punctuality anywhere else...

But I didn't say a word to her. Was petrified to... More importantly, she's heard enOUGH excuses from me already - and I'm sick of making them! I just need to get my act together. No more excuses.

Or I suppose I could ask for the work to be shared out a bit more evenly - but I don't wanna be stuck doing the crappy jobs... I'm lucky I'm not organising papers, or making coffee - I have REAL work to do!

My dad said to me today: Long distance runners pace themselves, Aoife. You're not superwoman.

Typically, the best way to get me to do something is to tell me I can't.
"You can't jump that!"
"You'll never get an A1 in English..."
"You can't cram shorthand - it's a skill you have to learn gradually."
"You can't down that in one!"
"You won't be able to lift that"

So, yeah - fuck that!
Y'know what? I was given a helluva lot to do - because they knew (or, hoped!) I was up to it. And I bleddy-well AM up to it! I am gonna find a way to get it together and blow them away.

I AM freakin superwoman! Just you wait and see..

I miss my blog.

I was just getting good at it, blogging regularly and all that -- I was getting REALLY good at it! But I'm so busy. I don't have any time. I love it - I'm on work experience and it's amazing fun, challenging! fascinating! engaging! so, so, so rewarding.

But exhausting. And I still have to work part time almost every evening cos I don't get a penny from the work placement, as it's part of my college course.... sigh. I wish this was my only job. I could give so much more to it if I wasn't so completely drained from the night before.. not that I'm not doing it well as it is - I am!! But I know I could be so much better - faster - but not with this cloud of tired fuzziness hanging over me... I really, REALLY hope I don't look as tired as I feel...

Wonder how long I can keep this up? Will I gradually just start coming in later and later in the mornings? Or will I start sleeping downstairs and never leave the place? Ha...wouldn't put it past me!


Big, very horrible bomb dropped on me last night (bad, bad news) and was so shook up that I couldn't sleep till 6... which was annoying cos I had to get up at 8... to run into college and apologise for someone else not doing their job and leaving it up to me at the last minute... no, AFTER the last minute.. the deadline had PAST when i was told; it's not done, you do it!

so... 2 hours sleep... and I was tired enough as it was... and... yeah.

That's actually all I have time to write. *shrug*

seeya.

Oh dear.

... that's it.

'Suppose I ought to write more but.. nope.. nothing. All I can bring myself to say right now is; "Oh dear."
It's not that I can't think of anything to write, I just can't think of anything that I feel like writing.


*thinks*

Ooooh kaaay...


Life is like a box of chocolates, right? Well, somewhere in that box is a scrumptious, crunchy, pretty little chocolate... but they're not nuts, or honeycomb pieces for that matter.. In actual fact they're tiny, jagged, mean little shards of glass that tear all the way down.

I always preferred savoury snacks.

Re: Ouch >.<

Isn't it incredible? It's migraine art! I, personally, don't get a visual aura - but stuff like this makes me wish I did! (Instead I just act out of character, stressed, and spaced-out during the pre-attack aura stage..... or sometimes I can get hyper-happy or startlingly low! Which is weird, and I don't know what's going on till the pain hits and I'm like - Oh! Right!)

A few months back I read in Scientific American (my dad subscribes - he's awesome) that - apparently - the migraine "happens" in the front of the brain in people who get visual disturbances, and in people who don't see anything funny it's in the back.
(Sorry I haven't a proper quote or anything - I've lost the issue somewhere in my room!)

Mad jagged designs, blind spots... it all sounds much more interesting than mood swings and concentration lapses! But, yeah, i know; greener grass and all that jazz...

Here's another from this thread (which is worth checking out..):




I totally fucking know how that^^ feels! That, right there, is similar to stuff I've doodled when I've had a headache (and a pen handy..eg: in work/college) - might post some here at some point! But I have a rotten habit of throwing away everything I draw these days...
(something to do with my bitterness at having abandoned the art college dream?)

Have a look at this NY Times slideshow for more examples!

"... there is speculation that some of the mystical paintings from medieval times, including the work of Hildegard von Bingen (Saint Hildegard), were actually the "visions" that resulted, at least in part, from a migraine attack. Van Gogh, Seurat, and many other artists have also been cited as possible "migraine artists." "

^That article from Psychology Today is an interesting read if you've got 5 minutes.. it's true that it's very difficult to describe pain in words sometimes - and I don't know how many times I've felt like slapping a doctor who's dismissed my headache as a sinus congestion-related pain when I'm trying to explain that "it's not just there, it's aaall here and kind of, in that way and pushing down here and sometimes here and... but further in.. and that way and through there!"

ha... clear?
Crystal!

Ouch >.<

I hate migraines! Today has been a complete write-off. It’s not fair. I get NO say in it. It’ll just come on me and, no matter how hard I fight it, it’s a matter of dropping everything and waiting ‘till I can fall asleep – which can take hours...

If the headache could talk, he’d chuckle and say, “Plans? Tough shit. You’re not doing eh-heh-heeehnything* today!”

I like being in control - so I absolutely HATE the helplessness I feel when one’s coming on. I’ll try ignore it, try get on with my day, but I know the longer I leave it the worse it’ll get..which is infuriating. Still, I suppose the sensation of it creeping up on me is kind of a luxury – at least I have some sort of warning – and can get another hour or two of productivity out of the day. But sometimes, like today for instance, I’ll just wake up with a full-blown horrible one; no build-up, no warning, and no hope for getting anything done that day! Cancel everything, stick my head in the freezer, and, most importantly.. turn OFF those DAMN LIGHTS..

Finally got over it, though, with some effort..
Couldn’t bear to get dressed and go to the shop for Neurofen Plus (which I shouldn’t take anyway, but they’re the only things that work, really) so I scraped around my floor and finally found an almost empty bottle of that Advil PM stuff I got in the states this summer. The only painkillers in the house, and not very effective, but they had sleep aid! Sleep is the only sure-fire cure for MY migraines. Well, it works about 85% of the time. Anyway. Yay.

Waited what seemed like HOURS for them to kick in, and they didn’t quite stop the ache, but totally helped me drift off! After choking down a few slices of pizza, dozed fitfully on an armchair by the window (Bed too hot! Too hot! Everywhere too hot. Air!!) ... and thank God but after a few hours I woke up feeling much, much, muuuch better.

It’s a fantastic feeling – right after a migraine lifts. Nothing beats it! It’s strange – I just feel NORMAL – but, after the ache and heat and pressure of the migraine; Normal Feels Incredible!!! It’s the best feeling in the world! GOD I feel so good! Like new! Like brand spanking new and FULL of energy and happy to be alive and dying to go DO something! It's AWESOME!

Anyone know what I mean?

*don’t ask why it talks like Dr. Cox… =P

2am?! (also - Lucky day!)

I had an early night. The first in a long, long time. It wasn't planned - come 10 o'clock I was just ready to pass out - and I fell asleep without a problem...
AND WOKE UP AT 2AM!

How freakin' frustrating is that! And try as I may, I cannot seem to get back to sleep. No whiskey in the house for a hot whiskey. No milk to make hot chocolate or even just hot milk - I'm drinking water. And, if anything, it's waking me up MORE.

Watching stupid re-runs of Sex and the City on Paramount seems to be the only answer.

Our broadband's broken in the house - and by broken I mean our landlords fucked up AGAIN. But I'm using a (very weak) connection from a neighbouring house. "information may be visible by other.....blah blah blah" - I don't care. It's worth it. I hate not having a connection in the house. What else can keep you company/entertained in the wee hours better than the good ol' Idirlín...

Something very cool happened today! Y'know the little miracles I talked about in my Moon River post? Yeah, one of them! I got a taxi Wednesday morning to the bus station - and left a bag in the back! I spent all day ringing various Dublin taxi companies, asking them to send out the message, rang the Burlington hotel (where the taxi rank was) - all sorts of panicking. And had planed on ringing the Carriage Office at Dublin Castle - just needed to go get more phone credit (had used it all up).

And I got a taxi to town as I was running a little late.
And guess what?

"Did I have you in the cab the other mornin'?"

Yep!! And he had it in the boot of the car! He said he was gonna drop it into the Carriage Office that evening, but had kept it in hopes he'd bump into me again. Thing is - that means if I'd rang the Carriage Office when I got to town, it wouldn't have been there yet and I'd have probably given up! If I hadn't been late, I wouldn't have got a taxi, and he certainly wouldn't have been sitting at the top of the rank at any other point today!

See? Odd little things that remind me life's to be laughed at, and with, and it's your friend, really..end of the day...

I might be on a TV show on TG4! Update on that once I know more..

Haha this is one of my more pointless, self-indulgent posts, I know... I just felt like a bit of a grumble! And I'd love to ramble on for another little bit, but I'll leave it at that for now.
Night night blog.. I'm gonna TRY go back to sleep.

Deep in the Dip

Well. Here we go again. The lower point of the wave. All this bouncing and crashing’s making me a little ill. But I’ll keep going from this, and zip back to the top, and stall briefly, and it all starts again. And that’s how it’s going to feel. And that’s ok.

The only person I can control is myself. And that’s exactly what I’ll do. If I keep my head, I’ll beat this. I’m a tough cookie! Not at the moment, sure, but in general.

I’m angry. At myself and at other people. Other people never make me as angry as I make myself. And maybe that’s my problem, not theirs. And maybe I really can do this.

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly”
Desiderata – I’ve always tried to live like that; time to try a little harder. Especially with that line.

It’s ok to open up, to let the world see me. I have nothing to hide! I have nothing to be ashamed of! I have nothing to lose. And I certainly would hate to miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity. Again!

Come on, Aoife.

Genius!!

Y'know how a couple of posts ago, when I did my little new year quiz, I couldn't think of an answer to the last question? Instead of goign back and answering properly, I've decided to post a list of some of my all-time favourite quotes. I love these because they're inspiring, or delightfully, hilariously true.. all are just plain genius.

"A long-term relationship is, at its core, two people struggling to put up with each other’s bullshit—day in, day out, year after year—in exchange for things intangible (love) and things tangible (sex)." - Dan Savage

"If I heard a speaker use (downplay) I would upget and outwalk." - Peter De Vries

"A mistake which is commonly made about neurotics is to suppose that they are interesting. It is not interesting to be always unhappy, engrossed with oneself, malignant and ungrateful, and never quite in touch with reality." - Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

"Be Yourself, especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass." - Desiderata, Max Ehrman

"He who has a why for life can bear with almost any how" - Nietzsche

"Its not that the Irish are cynical. Its rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody." - Brendan Behan

"It's not like buying a car you know." "I know - it's gotta be that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence world series kind of love!" - It Takes Two (crappy movie - great quote nonetheless)

"If you can find someone who loves the you YOU love, well, that's just fabulous!" - Sex and the City

"Good things don't come to those who wait, but to those who dare." - An old friend who I miss quite a bit.

"We're ridiculous"

Yes we are.

Oooh, it's gonna hurt alright. No matter what we decide, whatever happens, it's going to hurt. I have some idea how much, too... so it's more than a little terrifying. But I've been thinking about it and I've decided - fuck it - it doesn't matter if it lasts a week, or a few weeks, or a few hundred weeks. Or even just a few more hours!
Even just one more hour like that would be...

Fuck!

How did this happen? How has everything changed?

I want.......... what do I want? Nnnnnngh I don't KNOW!!


No, I think I DO know what I want. "Think" is the wrongest of wrong words - I KNOW what I want!
I want whatever I can get.
No more. That's ok. More than ok! And even though I'm scared, I'm not feeling weird about it at all. It's petrifying - but it comes so easily too. Does that make sense? Anyway, no amount of nerves or uncertainty or time-restrictions can stop me enjoying it - all of it - every second until...
...


I go from wanting to throw up, to wanting to sing, to wanting to scream, to wanting to dance, to wanting to drink, to laughing at all the aforementioned madnesses.

To sum up: This is the BEST mistake I'll ever make.
:)

T..G..I..(effing)..F

Aaaaaall-nighter. Stupid Exam. Last exam. It's at 2pm today. It's 9 am now.

What!? 9am already?

Better get crackin' back into the study - still got one more chapter to do before I'm happy with myself.

Not that my brain works anymore anyway. Migraine day - I can always tell somehow.
No! Y'know what? I REFUSE to have a migraine today!
(never works, but worth a shot....again)

A friend told me that sleep deprivation puts you in a similar mental state to being drunk. Well... might just have a beer then! (Damned if you do.....)
Ah now.. don't look at me like that!
They're only little beers. Tiny bottles, cheaper than chips, Tesco's finest rat-piss, three or four left... I'll just go check.

One won't hurt. :D Can anyone else open bottles with their teeth or am I just exceptionally cool..?

Well then, Goooooood Morning! While you were sleeping I was studying. For the last few hours it's been lovely, though - sweet twittering bird noises and early morning anti-twilight* and all that - but now all the business-minded busy people are up and awake and driving around the street outside my house and pissing me off... and there's another stupid motorbike and a siren and a screech... shhhh... I'm trying to concentrate here!

*sips beer.. rolls cigarette*

Last exam for a LONG time, 'though. Thank god for that.
Last all-nighter for a LONG time. All-nighters and me have enjoyed a very close, loving relationship since Secondary School. They've served me well and rarely let me down. Cramming is almost like a hobby to me. The lecturer lady for Shorthand (the indecipherable hieroglyphic bullcrap subject we were subjected to in 1st year) told the class that "you can't cram for shorthand; it's something you need to practice, like learning to write."

So I proved her wrong and got like 70% with a day and a half's work having done no practice whatsoever all year. That's another hobby of mine; Proving people wrong about things that aaaaaren't really worth my time...

Another is being a pain in the arse.


I was certain I'd mess these exams up - badly, very very badly. Which is unlike me. I NEVER fail. Never have. (despite my somewhat unconventional study methods *sip*)
I CAN'T fail - I'd never be forgiven for it if I did!
By me, or by....well.

The start of the semester was so rough and everything's been shaky since - good, relative to other years, but shaky. Things are good - but I wasn't at college much (understatement) and I beat myself up over it a LOT - but that's ok. And if I DO fail tomorrow, that's ok. And if I'm not always on top of things, that's ok. I am much more chilled out. It was the stress and annoyance@self that kept me out of college, on top of the grief and an unshakable tiredness..... But I feel like chilling out played a part in doing well in the last two exam papers. And will help me through tomorrow, regardless of what work I get done between now and 2.

But someone up there likes me - in Monday's "Documentary Studies" exam, despite having only been to 3 of the lectures (THREE!) I was able to answer the questions - and answer them WELL. People were saying, "crap I spent all night studying (insert topic here) and it never came up!" and I thought to myself, "hehe - I've never HEARD of that.." --- All I had was all I needed! As for Wednesday... well... it was Irish! And a piece of cake.. even though I mixed up the word "peace" with "chair" (they're pronounced the same - spelled differently.. realised only after I'd left the hall..)

Can picture my lecturer laughing his beardy little head off at my point about the Northern Ireland Chair Process that I wrote so enthusiastically..
Awesome.
Still did well though.

Back to study now. I will let ya know how tonight's riotous celebrations go! w00t!
Don't wait up! ^_~

*(dawn! that's the word...)

Vicious Circle

A guy I know asked me out last night. I feel terribly bad for him. I never even considered this could happen. It never once crossed my mind… but that’s the way it goes... Why is it always the people you have no interest in whatsoever that feel JUST the opposite for you? And that the people YOU want are usually totally uninterested? Is it an endless circle? Or a long long line with one poor sap at the end with no one after him? If EVERYONE got together with who they wanted, would there be one person left with no one?

Had a funny old night last night. Also heard from one of my friends that her ex is causing all sorts of problems – she has such an idyllic relationship with her boyfriend of three years: they’re perfect together and will be fine, I’m positive... but most of all I can’t help empathising with the poor ex. He told her, 'look if you want me out of your life, say so now and I’m gone. If not, I’ll always be a part of your life.'

Tough ultimatum to cope with. Kinda kills the hope of ever being "just friends" - unless you wanna give the poor guy an excuse to keep pining... What do you do? Can exes be friends? If not why not? Why do we have to be “exes”? Why can’t we just be people? Why do we give each other that status that means we can never look at the person as JUST a person ever again? Is it such a big deal? I don’t think it should be. Unless we make it a big deal.

And another friend of mine told me their marriage broke up. Horrible thing to hear. After more than 20 years together it came to an end – at that stage you’d assume it’s ok to relax; to sit in the comfort that something like that would never happen. It just couldn’t! At least, it shouldn’t. You’re past insecurity, past the game, past everything and settled... right? But it does happen. So is there really a point? Is it stupid to have the faith in love that I do? Wavering as it may be, the faith's still there.

Life is good. But love’s pretty harsh. There’s just no winning – and it seems a lot more people are miserable than happy: Missing someone, regretting something, wanting something they can’t have. It’s not very fair, is it!

Moon River

The more I have to think about, the more I feel like I need free time to think.
The more free time I have, the more I seem to find to think about - the more that's on my mind, I mean. There's no balance. There's no shutting my mind up.

I had a short, fun, night out; abruptly ended by a bad mood brought on by a migraine that just wouldn't budge, despite the painkillers and the forced good mood.

All in all though, it's ok. :) Little things remind me of that line in Desiderata;
"With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams.. it is still a beautiful world"

I'm watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. Well, half watching, half writing this and half* watching facebook to see who's online...
It's that song more than anything. Don't get me wrong - the movie's wonderful - I could watch it on a loop for a week and still love it! But it's the song... Moon River... I love it so much. It's so.. soothing. I hum it to myself when I need to. And it always works. To calm, to relax, to settle myself.. I don't even know why it means what it means to me - it's not the lyrics, certainly. It's something in the sound that just...clicks into whatever I need to be clicking into and everything settles down.
And miracles happen. Odd things happen - little odd things like a traffic light going red just as I come to the crossing, or a driver stopping for me when he needn't, or a librarian saying i needn't pay the late fee - for no reason other than kindness, or a friend texting or calling out of the blue when I feel stressed and alone, or a stranger offering an unprovoked compliment... little everyday miracles happen when I hum that song. And when I sing it out - at the top of my lungs - when the street around me's empty and it's dark and it rings in the night and floats off to meet the traffic noises and sirens and silence - I know the world's looking after me.

Something is.

I guess the song just..reminds me of that. And everything, really.

It doesn't fit with any one particular person or memory or moment - the song just seems to fit with everything. Like in B at T's...it's the backdrop to every scene - they've a jazzy version for the party scene, a sad version when they need it, culminating with Audrey singing it on her window with that weird headscarf on her head..

Like in the movie where it fits in every scene...it fits with everything. Good moods and bad. It's my song right now. So, this is my movie right now.

And it's not even MY dvd! :)

*I know; too many halves. Get over it. :P

I LOVE YOU!

I can't think of one celebrity, politician, anyone, who I'd be bowled over by seeing. I don't think I'd ever be starstruck by anyone - they're just people, right?

The one exception? The xkcd guy! (and also Jeff Goldblum, perhaps).
I love Him(capital H) - and I would be dumbstruck.

After a friend introduced me to the site, I found I could spend up to an hour at a time clicking on "random" and ROTFLMFAO-ing at the genius gems of wonderful wry brilliance that would appear on my humble screen.

I then took to saving all the cartoons that made me laugh the most. Bad idea. At this stage I've saved so many that I think my computer's running slower because of it.

Here are some of my current faves (He doesn't mind them being used on blogs - or in non-profit publications. Saintly!):













This blog post is more for me than for you readers - I get to look at it every time I log in to blogger!! :D

Also, I know some are fuzzy - but it's the best I could do and, trust me, they're worth the eye-strain!

Go to xkcd.com and love it. Go! Now!

What's another word for Reflection?

Here's a nifty little New Year's survey that I nicked from a girl's blog who nicked it from a different girl's blog....

One way to look back on 2008... You should steal it too!!! Lots of fun! And if you DO, please comment me with a link to your post! Would love to read it. :)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Cried watching a movie
Got invited to a hen party
Bumped into Enda Kenny outside specsavers - walked into the middle of the group of gathered press and asked him a question he couldn't answer(!!)
Watched someone die.
Legal Smoke
Got a loan
Had a hugely successful, perfect birthday party that didn't end up a horrific mess/disappointment
Asked Martin O Neill (Aston V manager) AND the President of Ireland a question for an RTE Radio 1 show
Slept in a hospital.
Had my own (simple, shitty, but nonetheless awesome) Radio Show with my friends
Made an eejit of myself in front of Des Bishop
Started wearing heels outside of "special occasions"
Got some sort of idea of what part of Journalism I'm actually interested in and can see myself doing
Worked security at a music festival - and confiscated drugs!
Had my first real Irish-language 9-5 job
X
Got a taste for whiskey
Worked in a bar
Left the house without makeup (ok I've done it before, but not since I was a kid)
Started to take blogging seriously(ish)
Had a panic attack (several, actually! Spaced-out enough that I'm not worried..)
Entered a singer-songwriter competition and WON!! (funny story...)
Tried to make amends with certain people
Let go of stuff I'd been holding for YEARS - guilt and shame and all that jazz... poof! Had a little epiphany and feel lighter than air since. (see Q7!)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't give up smoking. I'll try again - and for the meantime I'll try switch to rollies to save money. I didn't read Ulysses. I'll try that again too. Maybe read portrait one more time to get back into the groove/mindset..
I'm gonna try drink less alcohol and more water, hang out in CnaG less (for my sanity), dress up more often, stop being late for everything, and make more time for myself.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, actually.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My aunt. It was terrible. It still is.

5. What countries did you visit?
The US! This time the Devil went down to...Virginia! It was FABULOUS! Mental house party. Taught the 'mericans how it's done. Did a photo-shoot! (still waitin on the pics! told I came out lookin' very "Pin-up" - aaaaagh how cool?!)
Also had some..interesting debates and got some...interesting insights into some people so alien to me, but so fascinating.
Had a little epiphany of sorts there, too.. And all my vague shimmery beliefs finally solidified - I know what I've always known, but know it properly now. (ramble! sorry! explain later perhaps..)

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More time for travelling and reading. Less to do. More surprises! More of EVERYTHING. I don't think '08 lacked much - I just think I need '09 to be different in a lot of ways; for variety's sake!
I wanna be more spontaneous! I used to be the most spontaneous person I knew - now cos I'm so busy I can only be spontaneous the rare time that I have TIME to be - which isn't very freaking spontaneous!
So, more time for myself and for random acts of madness.
Also, must kiss more boys! Been "living like a nun" and - though I'm not going to stop being choosy and CERTAINLY won't be kissing just for the SAKE of it - it couldn't hurt to loosen up a bit. I can count the boys I've kissed this year on one hand - pathetic!!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
April 1st - April Fool's Day!
The 5th of November - the day before my birthday! Had that Mini-epiphany I mentioned in Q1 that day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting through it without running out of energy! ha!
Nah.. Winning the Singer Songwriter competition maybe? That was pretty brilliant! Or having my little radio show.. or being a part of the newly-launched, first-of-its-kind and very successful Irish-language Accom. scheme of DIT. *grin*
I dunno. Lots!! It was a whirlwind of a year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not trusting my instincts when I ought to have. And not making enough time for my friends. or myself. And missing most of this past semester of college.
But, fuck it. Nothing that can't be remedied! No real regrets. Never regret!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The flu a few times, a bunch of migraines, laryngitis, hangovers... otherwise I'm good!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Dresses!! I rarely buy dresses. And my tickets to go to Virginia and see Cass!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
-My best friend who's livin' in Virginia, 'cos she's carved out an awesome little life for herself and 'cos she's a gorgeous creature with a gargantuan heart.
-My roommate, 'cos she's one of THE most outstanding, drop-dead fabulous, uninhibited, hilarious people I know. Also for her unwavering faith in true love that keeps me believin' when I need to... also, the ONLY one I could EVER share a room with without murdering.
-My cousin for getting engaged to the world's nicest guy.
-My entire family and extended family - for their strength in what was a bitch of a year.
-My dad - in general.
-A certain lecturer who made me realise it's ok to slow down and stop insisting on being "on top of everything" - for once.
-A certain friend who was the bigger person and made the first move to mend things. He did something I doubt I would have been brave enough to do.
-Same friend deserves a second mention - for making me laugh harder than I have in ages and being there when I didn't want to go home yet. (What was at home anyway? Another sleepless night?)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Someone who disappointed me.. but it's my fault. I thought they were something they weren't.
I don't think it's fair to say anything much here... Actually, read My Letter for more details... Though that covers more than just this year!
Was a bit appalled with myself at times - need to be less hard on everyone: Especially ME!!
**Here's a first for me.. a bible reference!!! (wha-???)
Luke 6:41-42 Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Friend, let me take out the speck in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye.
**I do that! Logs and Specks and suchalike.. I'm very quick to jump on people - but I think (most of the time) I see in them a little bit of something that I HATE about myself.. and hate them for it!!

14. Where did most of your money go?
Cigarettes, Drink and Taxis. And Bagels. Those damn addictive stupid feckin' bagels. And Pizza! Why move when the food can come to you?

15. What did you really, really, really get excited about?
-Seeing Cassie.
-Seeing Combichrist and getting a picture with their (highly amused) lead singer. (Sir, could I get a photo with you? - he shat himself laughing at my un-coolness..)
Check the cheesy grin:

Here he is NORMALLY:

See? I can make the scariest of men grin like fools! :P
-My 21st!
-Our little radio show - I got butterflies every week!
-That odd little Sunday morning a few weeks ago.
-New Year's Night (for some reason - what a letdown..)
-Patching up an old friendship and making something new and brilliant out of what I thought was, and always would be, solid-gold shit!
-New stuff. New stuff that dawned on me and that opened my eyes.

17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? Yes! Every day I feel happier than yesterday. It's nuts. But, good nuts... Brazil nuts! Y'know they lift your mood? Or so I've read..
Thinner? Nah! Same! I assume! I weigh myself about once in a blue mood... (that was meant to be moon - typo? or Freudian slip?? You decide..)
Richer? HA!! No. More in debt than ever and generally fucked money-wise.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Dancing. Kissing. Hugging. Singing. Writing. Reading. Relaxing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Nothing! It was all worthwhile in one way or another.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
It was a blur of nights out, over-eating, over-sleeping, and ODing on movie-nights in with the family..
The night before Christmas Eve I went on a MAD night out in Limerick.
Christmas Eve night I went to dinner with my family and wrapped presents.
Christmas Day was spent at home. Eating. Mass. Tv. Movies. Carey Grant box set opened and made good use of.
Steven's Night - mad night out. Confessed to an old friend that I've liked him for all the years I've known him. Stupid Drunk Aoife! He has a girlfriend!
((Drunk Aoife: "But he's ALWAYS had a feckin girlfriend! It's not fair!"
Me: Shut up for fuck sake..))

21. How did you spend new years?
Another mad night out. Less drama. Sadly, also had less fun. Too much absynthe, wasted money and walking around in the cold, too little sense, dancing, and energy. (had a stupid flu also - did NOT help mood)

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yep. And out again.

23. How many one-night stands?
None! Christ! Some question!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Lincs - 'cos it's my "ok go to bed now" signal, and actually quite funny in parts..
Coupling - 'cos they're all just awful people.
Sex and the City - 'cos it's the law.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. i try not to hate anyone. Anyone I dislike probably isn't worth the effort of hating - you need a degree of respect for a person in order to be able to hate them with any real zeal, in my opinion.


26. What was the best book you read?
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - it's lovely.
Also, am reading the Secret at the moment. Fascinating; Even just the psychology that's behind it.

27. What was your biggest musical discovery?
Interference! And Imogen Heap (yes yes I'm a little behind - I know!)

28. What did you want and you got?
Almost everything, actually! :D

29. What did you want and not get?
Only a couple of things... a winning lotto ticket, a kiss goodbye from that silly, shy, big-eyed boy.. (but that would have probably been a bad idea anyway), a reply from certain old friends I'd love to get back in touch with...

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wall-E - the sort of shit that makes me wish I HAD pursued animation seriously...

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
I turned 21 and it was wonderful.. I had a few mad nights in Dublin to celebrate on and around the actual DAY of my birthday, then I made a few changes in my life and felt GREAT about myself by the time I got to my real, official party at home in Limerick a few weeks later - with family and friends and finger-food and sing-songs and mulled wine and music and reminiscing and laughter and dancing in the kitchen and a big smile on everyone's face.
AND... a killer outfit ;)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time! Longer days!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
For the first 80% of the year 'twas largely lazy and casual and thrown-together outfits with runners and odd-socks. Now - making more of an effort to make an effort! I have nice stuff, I should wear it!

34. What kept you sane?
Cigarettes, friends, and talking to myself!

35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Steve from Sex and the City - not the actor, the character.
Carey Grant..
Still adore Jeff Goldblum. And Billy Corgan's voice (with a different face)
Hold on.... Am I really that sad...?
Oh!! Also LOVE whoever played Skye in Mama Mia. GrrrOWaar!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lisbon Vote. And everything becoming so warped..
Budget. Need say no more.

37. Who did you miss?
Cassie. My parents, sis and brother when I'm off in Dublin all the time..
Certain old friends who wouldn't reply.

38. Who was the best person you met?
I didn't meet anyone strikingly awesome who was new to my life... but I did discover new sides to people I already knew and found out they were more incredibly cool than I realised.
I rediscovered a few people too.. which was very nice.. It's always nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
That I'm my own worst critic and need to give myself a break. A lot of breaks.
That I'm a bit of a commitmentphobe, people-pleaser, and control-freak - and that it's ok to be!
That people can, and will, surprise you.
That NO amount of blood, sweat and tears can make a relationship work if it doesn't work - and that that's no one's fault.

40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year:
I dunno, to be honest..
This might give you some idea.. I should pick one of those songs.. or a line from Desiderata.. can't think of anything at the moment that sums everything up - far too much happened!!
"I did it my way!" maybe? ha..

So far so Good

Well, that's one down.... and, so far, I am very much liking 2009.

Over-did it on New Year's Eve(NYE)... Absynthe shot in Charlie's was a baaaad idea on top of everything else.. but hey! The third time I woke up today I felt great! (we won't speak of the first two times, if you don't mind! Not a pretty sight..)

It was better than last year at the very least, where I stormed out of the nightclub in a huff, wasn't let back in, and got to sit outside and sulk for the rest of the night - nice!

And this year, due to bad timing on my stomach's part, we went for food across the road from the pub, and thought we'd have it eaten and be back in time for the countdown... but no such luck! I clinked cans of coke with one of my best friends over a delicious pizza - not the original plan, but can you imagine a better way to start off 2009?

New Year's night is almost always a let-down, either because everyone's broke, or forgot to finalise plans because they were so wrapped UP in Christmas, or just through bad luck. Originally we were all gonna go to Dingle, then Tipp, and I'm kind of glad that neither of those plans worked out - better to stay close to home and not waste TOO much money on a much over-hyped holiday. Plans that fall-through: the essense of the spirit of New Year's!

I have to admit, New Year's is probably my favourite holiday. It's usually a disappointment, a mess and a disaster, and that next morning is NEVER too pleasant... but isn't it the perfect "f*** you" to 2008?

Not that I didn't have a great year - all things considered, it was ok! But isn't it nice to shake it off and bid it a crass, alcohol-soaked farewell? Greeting the year '09 with bleary eyes that peer out from a tangled heap of drool/make-up-soaked bedsheets?

Romantic, eh? Poignant, maybe? Haha.. well, I think it's perfect. The perfect, disgusting, truly and uniquely human way to celebrate a new start. Every year starts like every NYE; with all those expectations! (Even when Dingle and ALL our plans fell through, my friends were still hopeful -- ADAMANT they'd find someone to kiss at midnight!)

We can reminisce on NY's day, or ANY day of the year. But on NYE we sing of letting go; "Should auld acquaintance be forgot" It's a celebration of shattered expectations, of excess, recklessness, disregard for consequences, and, most of all, of the ability to always start again.

It's a perfect conclusion to '08, and a helluvan introductory paragraph for '09.

And (compared to how I felt the first and second times I woke up this morning) things can only get better!