Appalled

So, was away in Kildare on a training day today for work. Interesting, I guess.
No, I liked it.

On the train there, 'though, first thing this morning...

Well, firstly, I have a bit of a cold. A nasty sort of one where your nose just...doesn't...stop...running...

I took a tissue from my bag and, discretely as possible, in my own empty train booth, blew my nose.

A "lady", in the booth across the aisle (about a meter away), bowed her head, held her hand to her face, winced in an OTT dramatic way, and then returned, frowningly, to her reading.

I thought maybe she had a headache...?

Minutes later, I started quietly honking again. Low and behold, she repeated her ritual.

It struck me... about the difference in opinion on what constitutes ignorance/rudeness.

We were equally appalled by each other.

Her, by my audible illness. Me, by her very deliberate display of disgust at something I couldn't help.

The training day was nice, 'though. Jotted down a few interesting points that came up so I could share them at work. Hope they're helpful to others too.

A Good Time

I like to believe that people – most people, anyway – aren’t deliberately cruel. I believe that, like me, they only treat other people badly when they can justify it to their self-involved selves, or forget to be considerate, or just… neglect to think about it at all. And even when someone IS deliberately cruel, there’s some reason. Maybe not a GOOD reason, but maybe enough for them. Maybe you just caught them at a bad time. Maybe their shit’s hitting the fan in another area of their life and their tolerance is down. Maybe being pleasant is too much work that day.

Justified negligence of the ‘right thing’. I readily forgive that trait in myself… Haha, not that it registers… It doesn’t even make me flinch most of the time (‘till afterwards when I weigh up its worth). When I really feel like I’m justified, who can convince me otherwise? But it’s harder for us to forgive it in others. Maybe because it’s much easier to internally convince yourself something’s ok to do/doesn’t matter/isn’t THAT bad. Or to convince yourself that you just don’t really care, at all. We all do it. All the time.

But, from the outside, it’s more obvious that you’re being a shit and, no matter how many excuses you come up with, it’s probably inexcusable.

Maybe being a shit just comes naturally… to everyone… sometimes… and maybe it’s about pushing yourself t’wards self-control.

Or maybe, like everything else, it’s all about timing and circumstance.
Timing and circumstance control your destiny, if there is such a thing. Unless you can control them, you can’t control anything. And… you can only ever really control them to an extent.

Love, hate, rivalry, mercy, charity, faith, wealth, choices, success, first impressions… Timing and circumstance rule it all. Even your mood. Even who you ‘are’.

I left my favourite scarf in Cork on New Year’s Eve and my friend, who I was sure would forget all about it, got it safely back to me.

And then (subsequently, promptly) I lost it. And it occurred to me that, if he HAD forgotten it, and still had it, unreturned… I’d be irked somewhat, but basically would still have a scarf. But now it’s gone forever.

Which has nothing to do with anything. But it was a funny thought.

Like missing a plane that crashes. Or never getting to know that person. Or applying for a job at JUST the right time. Or the introversion and imposed loneliness that comes with forgetting for a while that your life is, in fact, so much bigger than just you (and that it takes work to keep it that way… work you can’t cram in at the end…)

Or, losing your scarf.

Numb

Watching stupid top kerrang hits of the '00s. I forgot how in love with this song I was.

Released 2003?
Impossible.

Hear about Rage getting the Christmas #1 in Britain? (#2 in Ireland - we're just less cool, I guess! Still, wouldn't it be AMAZING if it were included on all the christmas compilation albums from now on? hehe. Also, apparently sweet li'l Joe was "delighted" to have reached the "New Year's No.1" in Britain. Smiles and publicity. Wait, I'm sorry, but I've never, ever, EVER heard talk of a new year's chart before......)

Aaaanyway... at a recent (brilliant) house party, had an argument with a canadian guy over when rage's masterpiece originally come out/was popular.

"It's funny how it got big around the time of the twin towers.. there's more to that than people realise, I think," says he..

"No dude... It was out WAY before then. I remember listening to it when I was 14"

"Uh, Yeah! In 2001, right?"

I thought for a secs......
"Fuck..."

Ok, the dude was still COMPELTELY wrong* and a bit of a conspiracy loon, but the point is, I can't believe how long ago that was. Watching the planes on TV. 8'n'a bit years ago!? Insane.

Time does fly.

*('twas released on MY BIRTHDAY back in '92, fyi! ^_^)

Speak of the devil!

RE: last post

OMG, loike! Thanks to an ol' buddy of mine I found one of those typical (and absolutely enthralling) trashy internet arguments I was JUST talking about! (And it's a good one.)

Come on in, the bullshit's steaming!

^_^

Coursework... yeah...

I'm meant to be working on an important, scary, nowhere-NEAR-finished presentation (which, by the way, is to be ready, rehearsed, and really impressive... BY TOMORROW)

I got sidetracked. And I'm finding some absolute e-gold. E-xcellent.

This ('though an old vid) made me snort with laughter:



This is amazing, and in Dublin! Look at the rest too. No joke. They're class.




One of the other protesty pics caught my eye;
"Huh... a protest against video games?"
Intrigued, went to find out who the mentallers were...
*gasp* It was EA! Staging a fake protest! Scannal! Couldn't effing believe it. And had a good laugh at this, which has a little bit about the aftermath...
And, on that page, I rambled down to the comments... And remembered why I love the internet.
I mean, look at that mad angry argument!

Reading through it, found this super-snarky gem:

"Hey guys, there's a whole lot of scholarship on this issue. You might want to peruse some of it - you know, the parts that aren't in make-you-feel-better-for-being-a-smart-atheist documentary form - before making wild irrelevant generalizations.

And the cross is an "ancient death symbol?" Yeah, no shit, because they fucking nailed people to them."

The same extremist, to-and-fro arguments break out on a billion threads every day. Everyone on the net is up for a fight. Imagine real life being as volatile... everyone would have to be drunk all the time or something...
And, ok, this story was bound, obviously, to start such. I understand that...
But how did THIS cutsey thing get a vicious political debate started?

Really?

A funny doomed feeling..

Watching the NAMA thing in the Dail on telly - stressful. Not able for it, but can't look away. Between this and Lisbon 2, I've got an awfully sickly sinking feeling - but all I can do is watch as it all goes to pot. A lot of talk going on, all quite hopeless to be honest.

Christ. Recessions happen! It's natural; crap, and tough, but natural. The economy ebbs and flows and none of this knee-jerk panic is going to help - this bizarre plan is insane, and too risky to justify. Yet I'm listening to the bastards try and fail at doing just that... and wondering how they sleep.

I s'pose Cowen probably drinks himself into a coma, his huge red nose swelling with saturation, and whatever guilt he SHOULD feel, numbed. My mum said she feels sorry for him - Bertie having landed him in this, and all. But, I'm sorry, who was the Finance Minister under Bertie, again? Rudolf himself.

Anyone else up for a sesh on Lisbon night? Either to celebrate or mourn - whichever.

"May you live in interesting times..."


Bollox.

Today, I stood up to a wasp! ^_^

I’m sorry, but I’m very, very excited about this and HAD to post.

I’m not afraid of much – I’ve always wanted a pet snake or tarantula. I think mice are adorable. As for insects… Flies are a nuisance, ants are to be avoided, but aren’t scary. And bees? I actually quite like bees.
Wasps, however, petrify me.

They always have. Don’t ask me why. I haven’t the faintest idea. It’s completely irrational. It’s nothing to panic over. And it doesn’t make sense that bees don’t scare me. I’ll hear the buzz and begin to panic and see it’s a bee and go “whew” and relax.

I’ve been stung before – and it’s not so bad. A little pinch, and itchiness. Not so scary. I get migraines every week! A wasp sting is NOTHING. It’s not that painful. And I know this. I know it well. But knowing that doesn’t help.

It’s the way they flit around and are everywhere at once and are so fast and small; before you know it they’re behind you, or beside your head, or in your hair, and they chase you when you run and they buzzzzzzzz so viciously and the noise is all around you! And, I dunno, I’ve pretty bad depth perception too so when a wasp is there zig-zagging towards me I can’t tell how close it is and – argh.

Horrible.

One time there was one in my room, and I hadn’t noticed, and I was standing in front of my wardrobe, and I heard the buzz – directly above my head – and, without thinking, I dropped to the floor and scrambled out of the room… army-style. You’d swear a grenade had gone off.

Another time I was staying with a friend, and we got home from a party around 5, and at 6 or 7ish the sun came up, and the wasp that’d been in the room (asleep on the skylight) woke and started circling and screeching and I was awake and out of the room before I even remembered where I was. Not wanting to wake anyone, and having taken my duvet with me, I sat on a chair outside the room, hoping the little shit would roam into the hall and I’d be able to dive in and barricade the door behind me.

My friend found me later that morning, sound asleep on the chair, duvet ‘round me, still clutching my rolled-up magazine - waiting. He walked into the room and casually shooed the monster out the window. Mortified, I went back to bed.



*****



Some psycho woman went for me in the bar last night.

I quietly, smiley-ly, politely asked her to stop spraying deodorant on her feet in the middle of the bar, as another customer had said they were allergic to those sprays. I suggested she maybe go up to the bathroom or something.

“Are you threatening me? Fuck off!”
No, of course not, there’s no need to raise your voice…
“Where are you from? Listen you dirty cunt, I’m a Dub, right? I’ll kick the fuckin’ gee out of ye!”

Charming, eh? I’m still not sure what I said to set her off.

Unsettling? Yeah! Unexpected? Definately. But scary? Not really. I didn’t know what to do, and when she swung at me and kicked me, I blocked, but mainly just stood there like an eejit, knowing the lads would be back any minute to gimme a hand, quietly asking her to calm down – I knew I’d be in serious trouble if I so much as laid a hand on her, and didn’t raise my voice once. By the end I’ll admit I got a little thick with her, maybe – but you should’ve heard her!

Anyway, the other barmaid finally came downstairs and helped me get rid of her. She’ll be barred for good. Turns out she was barred years ago for similar erratic/violent behaviour. Our club’s like a magnet for oddballs… What happens to people to make them that way?

That should have been scary, right? Apart from the (godsent) customer who stepped between us, I was on my own with the batty bitch.
But it was grand, like. I kept my cool.
And yet I’m petrified by a little wasp?



*****



Today, I heard that familiar, harsher-than-yer-average buzz… and froze.
But, this time, I didn’t sprint out of the room and slam the door in panic. OR hide in the bathroom.

I kept calm(ish)… I crept over to the window that it was bopping its stupid little head against. I slowly reached up – my hands inches from the tiny, angry beast – and pushed it open. And… miraculously… out it flew!

Just like that.

I am so proud of myself.

Games.. and changing my shoes..

Games games... I am sick of games. All we ever do is play games.

In relationships.. with our friends... The "says" feature on Facebook.. Facebook and bebo and Myspace in general... The way we dress, talk, walk! There's a motive to everything we do and say, every facial expression, everything. Every-bloody-thing! Be yourself? NO ONE is. People who claim they are always themselves (what-you-see-what-you-get etc); that's an image too! That take-me-or-leave-me, i-am-my-own-person act is an Act like any other. That's how they want to be seen.

How important is it to us to control how others' see us? How we "come across"? We all try to make impressions on people... Try to control them... Small moments like being reluctant to reach for the girlie magazine instead of the paper. The "phone voice" you put on. The voicemail message that you recorded, and re-recorded, and re-recorded.. 'till it sounded right. The clothes you chose for a job interview. The clothes you choose for a night out. The different "look" you go for.

I just threw this on. Yeah.

I had a conversation about that with some girlfriends of mine - About the chosing what to wear for a night out.

One girl always made a big effort.. because she likes to look well put-together, and it makes her feel confident (and the attention it gets her adds to her confidence even more..) Another girl said the reason behind the slightly rock-y edge to her look was that she wanted people to think she was smart (self-conscious about her slightly D4 accent and ditzyness meant she was scared to dye her hair any colour other than black for years)

Me? I had to think about it for a bit. I dress down most of the time. I'm more of an attention AVOIDER than an attention-seeker, and I'm happy to have my more done-up, glammed-up friends act as a buffer for the cheesy lines and chancers..! But, again, that's just how I WANT to seem, right? SOME guys, when "on the pull", see a girl all dressed-up and figure it means she's "on the pull" too (ugh. On the pull. I hate that expression.) The dressed-down friend? Ignored. Just the way I like it.

Well, that's an attitude I'm trying to change. For a long time, I've felt like I can't dress up! If I did, it was only ever around family, and friends. Compliments made me uncomfortable, but worst still were stares, sleazy comments.. and even being grabbed at... Nothing makes me angrier, and I was sick and tired of slapping or shouting at guys when all they'd then do is laugh... humiliating.. To the nastier ones (the Coppers-esque crowd) a girl who dresses up is ASKING to be leered at.

So I stopped dressing up.
How stupid is that??? How often do I claim I don't care what people think of me - how much of a LIAR I've been..

I have some LOVELY clothes that I spent good money on and I NEVER wear anymore. I've gone out to clubs in my runners more times than I can count. No more of that. No more hiding. I won't be young forever - I don't have the BEST figure in the world, but I like it, it's only a few years till it all starts to go wrong on me so I better make the most of it while I have it! In 10 years time I'll kick myself for not flaunting it.

WHen your mum gives out that you don't wear short skirts often enough, something funny's goin' on.

I've been making (slightly) more of an effort lately - just around friends, in safe places where I know people... y'know..? and, sure, that one guy was REALLY scary, that other one was SO annoying.... and that guy following me wasn't the coolest experience either..... but FUCK IT.

I like dressing up. I like dresses. I like feeling feminine and wearing heels and all those cute tops that are gathering dust deserve to see day/night light again! And hell, maybe I could take it as a compliment..... or... just pity the ignorant bastards.

Le foilsiu i "TOAST" (Irish nua DIT)

Ar an Luan, 17 Samhain, chuaigh cúigear mac léinn ó ITBÁC go hÁras an Uachtaráin le freastal ar thaifeadadh an "Presidential Lecture Series", sraithchlár trípháirteach de chuid RTÉ Raidió a hAon. Ar an lá rinneadh taifead ar an chéad dhá pháirt, a chraolfar ar an 30 agus 31 Nollaig ag 1.30i.n. Déarfainn go raibh thart ar 60 mac léinn ann ar an lá, a tháinig ó beagnach gach aon choláiste triú leibhéal sa tír, agus bhí daoine ann ó thíortha eile chomh maith atá ina gcónaí in Éirinn anois.

Mar dhuine de na daoine a roghnaigh ITBÁC, tá mé ag súil go mór le héisteacht leis! Ba chóir go mbeadh ITBÁC fíorbhródúil as an gcúigear againn agus as an ionchur luachmhar a thugamar don díospóireacht. Tá sé soiléir gur phioc na coláistí ar fad na daoine is neamhbhalbha agus is gníomhaí i saol an choláiste, agus go ginearálta bíonn mic léinn níos fearr nó dream ar bith eile ag teacht aníos le ceisteanna spreagúla, suimiúil agus cliste. Táim cinnte go bhfuair Joe Duffy (a bhí mar láithreoir ar an chláir) i bhfad níos mó ná mar a bhí sé ag tnúth leis!

Bhí beirt chainteoir ann ar an lá, ceann amháin do gach clár sa tsraith agus bhí deis againn ceisteanna a chur orthu agus ar an tUachtarán í féin. Bhí an bheirt chainteoir an-mhaith. Sa chéad pháirt labhair Martin O' Neill, captaen ar Aston Villa agus Éireannach ó dhúchas faoi 'Cad is Éireannachas ann?' (dár leis féin). Labhair sé go han-ionraic ar fad, ag tarraingt óna thaithí féin ag fás aníos sa tuaisceart. Nuair a thosaigh sé ag imirt sacair mar ógánach, mar shampla, níor ligeadh dó leanúint ar aghaidh lena chuid traenáil leis an Cumann Lúthchleas Gael a thuilleadh. Léirigh sé cé chomh mór is atá athrú tagtha ar an saol ó na laethanta sin. Léirigh sé cé chomh aisteach is a mhothaigh sé nuair a tháinig beirt Shasana chuig a theach chun agallamh a chur air roimh do bheith ina chaptaen ar Aston Villa. Chruthaigh sé íomhá siombalach go leor faoin bheirt fhear seo sa seomra suí leis agus an dhá phictiúir clasaiceach mar mhaisiú ar na ballaí - Pádraig Mac Piarais agus an croí rónaofa.

Bhí neart ceisteanna ag na mic léinn dhó, ach is í an tUachtarán a thug an freagra is fearr ar an cheist faoin chiall a bhaineann le hÉireannachas. D'aontaigh sí nach bhfuil an bhrí céanna ann inniu is a bhí san am atá thart. Ach, fiú i measc an domhandú, an galldú agus gach rud eile a bhaineann le sochaí nua-aimseartha se'againne, ní féidir linn dearmad a dhéanamh ar na mílte daoine i dtíortha eile atá fíorbhródúil as na fréamhacha atá acu, nó ag a gcuid sheantuismitheoirí as Éirinn. Tá brí éigin ag baint le sin – tá Éireannachas tábhachtach do na daoine sin, fiú anois nuair nach bhfuil sé chomh tábhachtach céanna do cuid againn in Éirinn, b'fhéidir.

Is é Pádraig Ó Ceidigh, Stiúrthóir Bainistíochta Aer Arann, a bhí mar chainteoir in dhiaidh am lóin. Labhair sé faoi chúrsaí eacnamaíochta na laethanta seo, agus cad is féidir linn a dhéanamh mar thír chun na fadhbanna ar fad a réiteach. Dúirt sé go bhfuil an todhchaí inár láimhe féin mar mhic léinn – tá an chéad chéim eile suas againne. Tá fiontraíocht agus nuálaíocht ag teastáil ón chéad ghlúin eile chun Éire a thógáil tríd na laethanta deacra dorcha seo romhainn amach. Mar chainteoir, bhí sé sármhaith, fíor spreagúil agus bríomhar. Labhair sé gan script nó rud ar bith aige ach é féin agus a scéal ionraic faoi conas a bhunaigh sé Aer Arann.

D'oscail agus dhún an tUachtarán an dhá chlár. Níor dúradh linn cathain a mbeadh an triú cuid den tsraith á thaifeadadh, ach nach cuma; bhí an lá fada go leor mar a bhí sé! Bhíomar ann ó mheán lae go dtí leathuair tar éis a cúig. Ach, fós féin, thaitin an lá go mór liom, agus is cosúil ó na rudaí a chuala mé gur thaitin sé le gach duine eile chomh maith. Ní raibh an lá crua ar chor ar bith, le sosanna fada, sólaistí áille, agus neart tae agus caife chun muid a choinneáil sásta. Bhí deis iontach againn labhairt le daoine ó choláistí eile chomh maith – tá fáilte den scoth san Áras!

To whom it may concern...

Dear Assholes,

I'm writing to all the self-obsessed, the pity-whores, the thoughtless wankers, the bitter, and the stupid people who have passed through my life... I’ve befriended you, worked with you, dated you, fallen for you, or dumped/been dumped by you. And tonight I would like to simply Thank You - just for being you!

I’d like to thank you because a lot of your horrid traits, ignorance, closed-mindedness, warped world-views, and selfish, evil hearts have made me think – wow, I hope I’M never like that. So, it lit a fire under me, and I’ve become more vigilant in my self-analysis and self-improvement. And I’ve grown a lot with every asshole I’ve encountered, and become a better person.

I always try to apologise when I fuck up – I know how important it is, because you DON’T. Even when you DO realise you’re wrong... (Rare as THAT may be, it does happen, except in the stupider majority of you)

I tend to be considerate of other people, and make an effort to be friendly, include people, and put people around me at ease – because I know how much things sucked when YOU DIDN’T BOTHER.

I don’t huff and puff and put on a grumpy face for attention, sympathy… or to coax someone into asking “Oh, what’s wrong?” Because YOU’VE shown me how irritating it is to be on the receiving end of that blatant attention-seeking “look-at-meee” bullshit. If you're over 4, you should be over THAT.

I try not to bitch about people or gossip, because it used to feel SHIT to find out assholes like YOU say worse about me. I say 'used to', because it doesn’t bother me anymore. (Desensitised to it at this stage – again, thanks to you assholes!!)

When I find myself acting like one of you, I stop and correct myself immediately – my worst fear is of becoming as shit a person as one of you guys. It would kill me! Awareness, and first-hand experience of what I don’t wanna EVER be, has helped me spot the warning signs and NOT end up like you. Thanks!

I try to reach a compromise, as I know how fucking infuriating it is when someone refuse to budge. Speaking of infuriating, how about those close-minded assholes among you? You lot are some piece of work. Convinced your word is truth and no one else’s opinion counts… Arguing with people like you shows me how NOT to get your point across effectively, and how to PISS everyone off so that they’ll NEVER take what you say on board.

And music snobs who judge people on what they listen to – btw, Goths, emos and all you other “alternative” peeps are JUST as guilty; perhaps MORE so, actually. Speaking of you lot, I have some goth friends, so I'm not attacking ALL of you, but, for the most part you're just attention-craving dickheads who think they're more interesting because they don't "conform" - bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT. Adopting an opinion, dress code or way of life JUST to be seen as different is CRAPPY and TACKY and HOLLOW and SHALLOW and just plain SAD. Try forming your own opinions, style and personality instead of joining a colony of clones. Stop hating people who are comfortable in their own skin and grow a pair... You're no better than people who go to restaurants and cause big scenes cos they're "vegan" or whatever and want EVERYONE to know about it. GET LIVES. Do what suits you, BE different if you wanna be, or (better yet) if you ARE... but don't DECIDE you FEEL like ACTING different to make a point when YOU. ARE. POINTLESS.

Thanks to all of you for your excellent examples of what NOT to strive for, what NOT to become, and how to be an irritant and a total dick.

Knowing you all has made me feel a LOT better about the person I am, and want to become. Because, see, that’s the big difference between me and you – I want to be a better person. YOU, however, wallow and mope, bitch and moan, and/or blame others for your (deservedly) shit lives. I try to better myself everyday. I stay positive, see the best in people, take other arguments into account, and laugh at everything. Though I get uptight and stressed sometimes, I don’t use it as an excuse to be bitchy to people (right now's just for fun!!) Though I’m sometimes wrong, I admit it and apologise. Though I’m not perfect, I’m closer than you’ll get...

Yours gratefully,
Aoife

PS Thanks for reminding me how much I rock. And how important it is to keep on rocking.

Táim ar fucking buille!

Bhí mé i club an Conartha aréir, áit ina oibrím agus ina ólaim go minic… cuireadh déistin orm. An droch-attitude a bhíonn ag daoine áirithe!! Tá sé dochreidte!! Tuigim anois cén fáth go mbíonn an áit comh folamh na laethanta seo – áit a bhí dubh go doras chuille oíche fadó.

D’fhéadfach sé bheith ar nós croí-lár pobal na gaeilge i mBaile Átha Cliath. Áit compórdach, cáirdiúil, oscailte ina raibh daoine in ann gaeilge a labhairt agus a cleachtadh agus a fhoghlaim i suíomh gan brú, gan daoine daorbhreithiúnach nó ardnósach ag magadh futhu agus faoina neaspa gaeilge. Sin an cinéal áit inar cór don Club a bheith. Ach níl sé fecking mar sin ar cor ar bith.

Deirtear go bhfuil fáilte roimh duine ar bith leis an meon ceart, le spéis sa teanga agus cúltúr gaelach, le fonn an teanga a fhoghlaim. Daoine a dhéanann iarracht ar bith, cibé caighdean atá ar a gcuid gaeilge, ba cheart go mbeadh fáilte rompu agus cairdiúlachas á thaispeáint chun iad a mhealladh ar ais. Sin a cheap mise anyway!

Tháinig mo bhuachaill isteach liom aréir. Disléicseach atá ann agus mar sin bhí deacrachtaí uafásach aige le teangacha sa scoil. Comh maith le sin, tá fhios againn uilig nach n-éiríonn leis an bloody corás oideachas gaeilge a múineadh do daoine. Ach, bhfuil fhios agat, tháinig sé in éineacht liom chun casadh le na daoine a bhí mé i gconaí ag caint faoi, chun bheith in ann an áit atá comh speisíalta dhom a fheiceáil, agus tá sé dáiríre faoi dian-iarracht ceart a dhéanamh chun níos mó gaeilge a fhoghlaim. Níor iarr mé air teacht liom, bhí sé ag iarraigh teacht é fhéin. Agus dúirt mé leis, is cuma muna bhfuil an misneach nó an foclóireacht agat – déan iarracht agus beidh fáilte romhat. Tá gach éinne an-dheas agus an-sásta cabhrú leat.

Shuí sé liom, i measc na leaids. Bhí sé an-chiúin, agus tháinig cinéal panic air nuair a chuir duine ar bith ceist air. Ní raibh an muinín aige gaeilge a labhairt, ní raibh sé ag iarraigh béarla a labhairt. Bhí sé in ann cuid mhaith a thuiscint, ach d’fhan sé amach ón comhrá nuair nach raibh sé in ann é a thuiscint… bhí sé ag éisteach don chuid is mó; ag iarraigh é a lanúint.

Agus duine amháin… anois, ba mhaith liom a rá ar dtús go bhfuil (nó, do bhí..) ard-meas agam ar an té seo. Bíonn sé an-dheas de ghnáth... Sin an fáth gur chur sé iontas an domhain orm nuair a thosaigh sé ag magadh faoi m’fhear díreach ós a chomhair. Ag ceistiú ceard a bhí cearr leis. An éireannach é? Ag ceistiú cén fáth a raibh mé ag siúl amach leis ar cor ar bith! Breathnaigh, níl expression ar bith air.. ní féidir focal a thuiscint... haha..

Níos luaithe bhí sé ráite agam go raibheamar sa chúrsa Iriseoireacht céanna, ach bhí mé ag déanamh gaeilge leis agus é fhéin ag stadéir Fraincís. D’iarr an fearr seo air, cén fáth? Cén fáth nár roghnaigh tú gaeilge?

Bhí sé ag stadéir fraincís ó bhí sé sa bhunscoil, agus cheap sé go raibh sé níos éasca ná gaeilge – agus níl an mileáin air. Bíonn a lán daoine mar sin mar bhíonn na teangacha eile múinte i bhfad níos fearr sa scoileanna. Tá fhios againn uiliog sin. I mo laethanta scoile bhí i bhfad níos mó gearmánais agam i ndiaigh 6 bhliain á fhoghlaim ná gaeilge a bhí mé ag foghlaim ón céad lá sa naoinra. Bhí m’fhear ag iarraigh Iriseoireacht a dhéanamh, seo an cúrsa ab fhearr leis, phioc sé fraincís chun é a dhéanamh níos éasca dhó féin, agus bíonn deis dul thar lear ar taithí oibre comh maith má roghnaíonn tú sin. Ceard tá cearr le sin?

Tá blas an-láidir ag an fear seo so ní raibh m’fhear in ann é a thuiscint ar cor ar bith… fiú nuair a thosaigh na leaids eile ag gáire faoi comh maith... Cheap sé go raibh joke éigin ann nár thuig sé. Agus bhí. Faoi!! Ní raibh mé in ann an-chuid a rá leis an fear seo chun é a chosaint -- bhí mé scanraithe go dtuigfidh mo bhuachaill mo chuid gaeilge, ‘s go dtuigfidh sé céard a bhí ag dul ar aghaidh. D’imigh muid agus náire an domhain orm, agus lasmuigh nuair a dúirt mo bhuachaill gur thaithin an oíche go mór leis agus go raibh sé ag súil go mór le teacht ar ais, bhí mé ar tí pléascadh!!

Ní thuigim an seafóid sin! Bíonn pólannaigh agus francaigh agus chuille sórt daoine istig agus bíonn fáilte rompu, ach éireannach ag iarraigh gaeilge a fhoghlaim? Ha ha. Ní féidr leis an amadán seo muid a thuiscint. Ba cheart go mbeidh sé in ann. srl srl. Tá sé fucking ridiculous!! Cainteoir dúchais ag… fucking… “lording it over” duine atá tar éis teacht agus suí ansin agus bheith fágtha amach ón comhrá - ag iarraigh éisteach agus foghlaim. Gan a bheith ag cur isteach ar duine ar bith, gan a bheith ag labhairt béarla fiú!! Ní thuigeann an fear sin cé comh deacair is a bhíonn sé ar daoine a leithéid de sin a dhéanamh. Dhá bhliain ó shin nuair a thosaigh mé le Aisteoiri Bulfinn bhí mé díreach mar an gcéanna. An raibh daoine ag magadh fúmsa comh maith? Bhíodh mé i bhfad ró-náirithe teacht ar ais riamh arís dá mbíodh fhios agam sin!

An raibh daoine ag gáire faoi Seán Ó Riordán? B’fhéidir go raibh! Tá an-chuid daoine i saol na gaeilge nach cainteoirí duchais iad. Tá an dearcadh ag daoine áirithe go bhfuil sé ar nós fucking club eisiach nó rud éicint! Club le haghaidh daoine le gaeilge, a labhraíonn gaeilge le chéile, ag plé cursaí gaeilge, ag gearán faoi daoine nach labhraíonn gaeilge… B’fhéidir go mbeadh i bhfad níos mó spéis ag daoine é a fhoghlaim muna raibh an diabhal dearcadh sin ann!! Bíonn an eisciachas céanna le feiceáil i cuid de na Cumainn Gaelach sna coláistí – sin fáth mór nach mbíonn daoine le gaeilge lag ag iarraigh bheith páirteach leo, níl fáilte rompu! Conas gur féidir le daoine ón taobh amuigh an teanga a fhoghaim mar sin?! Conas gur féidir an gaeilge a cur chun cinn gan a pobal gaelach a mhéadú agus é a roinnt le níos mó daoine?

An seachtain seo chaite, bhíos ag obair taobh thiar den bar nuair a dúirt seanleaid liom go raibh sé ag caint le grúpa daoine ó Chonnemara nach raibh ag iarraigh teacht ar ais riamh arís mar: “níl san áit seo ach snobs” – níor dúirt duine ar bith Hello leo, fiú.

Bíonn fir barr ann a bhíonn ag éisteach le cheoil nó ag léamh gan aird ar bith a thabhairt de na chustaméirí, seachas pionta a chaitheamh amach chuchu ó am go ham.

Tá fhios agam go bhfuil daoine dena custaméirí agus den foireann atá béasach, fáilteach, agus ag iarraigh iomhá oscailte agus cairdiúil a chruthú don áit – bíonn an chuid is mó dóibh ar nós sin, actually!! Ach bíonn roinnt daoine nach labhraíonn le duine ar bith, seachas a ngrúpa féin, agus nach mbíonn fáilteach ar cor ar bith agus cuireann sé frustrachas orm!! Ní thiocfaidh na daoine seo ar ais! Ní thiocfadh mo fhear ar ais má insím dhó go raibh siad ag gáire faoi!

Tá an Conradh an-tábhachtach dom. Tá sé mar cuid mór do m’shaol anois. Munar féidir sin a roinnt leis, muna bhfuil fáilte roimhe, níl fáilte romhaim. Ní raibh sé just ag magadh faoi amháin, bhí sé á mo mhaslú comh mhaith. Níl sin ceart nó cothrom. Bhíos ag iarraigh saol na gaeilge a thaispeáint dó…. Seo saol na fucking gaeilge...

The Littlest Security Guard

When reading this, bear in mind I'm 5'7", blonde and have no experience whatsoever doing security. I guess I get asked to do these sorta things because I'm the sort of impulsive person who goes, sure to hell with it - why not!


So, late last Friday, I was on my way home from Dublin to Limerick (4hours on bus) to spend a nice quiet weekend with my family.

My friend Aisling calls me out of the blue – quick! 16 people who were supposed to do security ran off - taking their Access-All-Areas wristband with them. We’re in a lot of trouble and REALLY short-staffed – you in?

Why not! I tell my parents when I come in the door... "Sorry, I can’t stay long… Know how I couldn’t afford to go to Oxegen? Well… I’m going for free!"

10am the next morning I’m back in Kildare at the Oxegen music festival and ready to start work.

I’ve never experienced anything like it.

Where was I stationed? Only the Dance Arena – the epicentre of all the drugs, violence, and general dodginess at the festival! I’m sick to death of dance music after it (been hearing the “nnsk nnsk nnsk” in my head ever since!!)

You may think “wow cool! Being paid to go to a festival!!!” And that’s what I thought. But, no, not so cool. Throwing water at people, throwing people out, beind sicked on, carrying drunk girls to Med-centre, breaking up fights, wading through muck and mud, checking the portaloos for drug-dealers, guarding barriers, stomping tablets into the floor, trying to talk sense to people who's eyes are popping out of their heads...

The only act I got to see was the very last one of the weekend, just before I ran for my bus (had work at 9 the following morning!) And that act was… Rage against the Machine!!! Absolutely AMAZING gig, I saw the last hour of it (so really didn’t miss much) including their dazzlingly good encore…

Naturally they closed with Killing in the Name Of, and, even though I ran for the bus immediately after, I was an hournahalf late for work this morning. So… exhausted…

But, who cares!!! They were the only band I REALLY wanted to see and were mind-blowingly good and it was free… apart from the soul-destroying labour…!

Saw some crazy stuff over the course of the weekend. Being sober, and spending the whole time watching the (wasted drunk) crowd like a hawk, means you see some really REALLY odd goings-on! Here are some of the weirdest moments:

Told a fello to put out his cigarette (no smoking/cans/bottles allowed in Dance Arena building) and… he took it out of his mouth, turned it backwards, and put it back into his mouth. Quenching it with his tongue. I gaped at him and he smirked at me (cig still in mouth!) and, speechless, I walked on!

Roughly snatched a can out of a guy’s hand and yelled at him… he turned out to be one of the DJs – oops.

Saw 3 girls stooped on ground in front of a Portaloo, went to investigate. As I got to them, they were just standing up and one girl was showing the others a handful of E tablets (about 15 maybe) – as I couldn’t prove they were theirs (they insisted they’d just picked them up) I just took them away and said nothing to them, then threw them in a puddle of filthy portaloo-run-off water and stomped them into dust, then kicked mud over them and went back inside. 5 minutes later, another security guard tells me he saw a guy (in aviator glasses and a Hunter S-style hat) on his hands and knees picking around in the puddle and eating them. Urgh.

Asleep in fellow-security-guard’s Chicky-chento in the security carpark, and in the middle of the night the lads (all big securty-type fellas) picked the car – and us – up and spun us around, shook us, bounced us, and left us down a few meters from where we started (pointing a different direction) - I was so tired that I slept right through it! I didn’t even hear my Aisling (the other guard in car with me) screaming “FUCK OFF LADS!!!! COP THE FUCK ON!!” as we were held in the air (strong sleeper I guess!!)

Was asked HUNDREDS of times by people whether I would sell them the stuff I’d confiscated. Unbelievable! (Besides, anything I found was MINE!)

Fella from the Fratellies got in fight with one of the other guards – pulled the whole “don’t you know who I am?!” routine when told he couldn’t exit through an entrance-only door.

It was nice that I got to see Rage, (and buy a tshirt!) but I don’t know if I’d go again. It was good craic in the security carpark (drinkin all the confiscated cans and bottles and stuff – very cool!) but the hours were too much, 15hours Saturday – no break (and only got to sit down when on toilet – that was pretty much it.) and 11 hours on Sunday with a 10 minute break… Ate out “dinner” (our only meal in whole day) standing at our posts.

Feet still killing me.

Also saw 2 dudes dressed up as the 11850 guys.

And that’s not even the half of it…!

We Said NO

No offence to any journalists out there but, when it comes to the Lisbon Treaty, the Irish media are missing the point completely. Their emphasis is on the fact that we didn't understand the importance of the vote; that we acted out simply because we don't trust our politicians, as if it was a childish attempt to get back at them or something.

Well! One thing we certainly DO understand is the crisis we are in now. Politicians in Europe - in Ireland, France, Spain, and others - are going over the heads of the people they are supposed to represent.

You know there were celebrations in the streets across Europe after Ireland's No vote? I don't see many reports of that in the media. The media are as eager to make us feel stupid and guilty as the politicians are; portraying us (as the Irish Independent's Lise Hand put it) as "a nation of ingrates" and an embarrassment to Europe. We were the only ones with a voice and We Said No. And we were under the impression that we had the right to say no. Seems not!

I think MOST people who voted No knew what they were doing. We may not trust our politicians, but that had little, if anything, to do with it. The problem was that we didn't trust the effin' Treaty! OR the direction in which Europe seems to be heading...

One good thing that came from the No vote is that it exposed the current reality of EU "democracy". No-compaigners were afraid the new EU would mean Ireland had less say and less of a voice. What better proof of those fears than Nicolas Sarkozy's respone to the result! He declared that Ireland's vote didn't matter, and would not stop what so many countries have already ratified.

This is not the EU we signed up to. This is an EU where we have no voice; where big countries change the rules when things don't go their way. The people of France's voting rights were taken away. It was originally agreed all 27 had to ratify the Treaty for it to be accepted, now it doesn't seem to matter.

With an approval rating of around 30% (on a good day), Sarkoze has some nerve to suggest he speaks for the French people.

The EU, and our politicians, only ever saw our vote as a formality; an empty formula. It seems our constitutional rights, and our opinions, only count when those in power agree (i.e. NICE) We made the "wrong" decision so they gave us a chance to redeem ourselves and, like naughty children rapped on the wrist by a government and media who insist we are ignorant, we obediently changed our minds. If we have another referendum, I pray we stick by our vote. We should not be pushed around by those who WE voted into power.

True, the EU has been good to us, but just because they helped fund our economy, does that mean they own us? Should we fall into line, blindly agreeing with whatever they put to us? It was advertised that the Treaty would make the EU more "democratic." We can already see what an absolute lie that was.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

I’m in a bad mood.
And I’m getting a headache. Which always happens when I’m in a bad FUCKING mood. Which always puts me into a WORSE fucking mood!

There’s some baldy weirdo at work who keeps fuhLIRTing with me and makes no secret of the fact that he’s a sleazy prick but I know that horrible look he gave to his friend was an "I’m-in-there" look.

WANKER! Leave me alone!

I’m just annoyed. Across-the-board, all-inclusive annoyed. Every INCH of me is annoyed. And yet, I’ll go out tonight after work, and get a few drinks I can’t afford, and grin and giggle like an idiot and have a "GREAT" time.

RRRRRRRGH!!!

I’m sick of trying to be this! This... this happy-happy-cheesy-chatty ball of fucking friendliness! I just wanna be left the fuck alone and – preferably – lie in bed all day. All day EVERY day. I’m sick of pissing myself off and sick of people pissing me off and sick of being pissed-off in general!

I’ve always been an angry person, but no one would guess would they? Cos I’m so HAPPY. Smiling pleasantly, talking politely.. carefully-applied makeup and bottle-blonde hair and oh-so-freakin' friendly and good-natured all the time.. I wanna go back to listening to MY music - not "cool" music. Strong, angry music with a deep, all-consuming beat - and I DON'T CARE that I don't always know the album, track number and the lead singer's favourite fucking colour. I hate people showing off how much they "know" about their fave bands. It's not important. I miss my dark hair. I miss putting red and purple streaks in it. I miss when I didn't CARE to be seen kicking a chair or a wall or something.. before I got my temper "under control".

But I suppose that’s the old me, right?

Sweet Music

I love music. Doesn't everyone? But music is a pretty touchy subject for some people.

I love Punk, Funk, Soul, Metal, Rap, R&B, Trad, Ballads, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, Noughties, Dance, Trance, Pure Cheese, Classical Genius... anything and everything.

And WHY NOT?! There's gold in every genre. Music should;
1. SAY something!
2. Make you wanna Dance or Sing!
or 3. Make you FEEL something. Up, down, good, sh!te, nostalgic, relaxed, whatever!
Outside of that what else matters!?

Music isn't a brand or a fashion statement - that band tshirt does NOT make everyone go "wow how cool he likes ____!!". It's just a fucking TSHIRT!! A person's music taste says nothing about who they are. NOTHING!

WHY do people think they'll be compatible if they have the same music taste? Rubbish! Idiots like cradle of filth, but so do perfectly nice people. My dad listens to Metallica and so do half the little pree-teens in the world. Pretentious uber-"alternative" people hate pop - so do 80 year olds.

I feel I have a healthy, varied and balanced musical diet. I HUGELY dislike music snobs.

Why rule out things you've never heard?

Why is metal "noise" to some people? It's not! Have you listened to it?!

Why is indie cool now - what's so great about a genre where the bands sound SO alike there's no telling them apart! Indie used to be short for Independent. Now it's short for mass-produced, skinny-jeans-wearing wankers.

Why are quirkiness and catchiness consiered BAD things?!

What's wrong with dance music - it's just for dancing to! Cascada never claimed to be the next bloody Chopin!

Why don't people write about things that MATTER anymore?! (Greenday aren't great but at least they're TRYING!)

Whew. I feel better now.

How dare you!!

Ouch. Never been dumped before - feel quite huffy and indignant!!!
But, I suppose, when your pride hurts more than your feelings do you KNOW it mustn't have been right.

Although, I won't lie, I'm also feeling a little deflated. Disgusting, sad, insulted, ugly, rejected - all the usual shite. But that's normal and that'll pass. I mean... he said it wasn't working, and that it was fun for a while but wouldn't go anywhere etc... which was hard to hear and quite cold. But I've thought about it and actually found I agree with everything he said.

I was never gonna fall for the guy, to put it frankly. And I'm lucky in that. Because there's no way I'd be taking this so well if I had! But it would've just bin a big waste of time, energy and money in the end.

We'd so little in common. His priorities in life were weird. A total music snob. He didn't seem to have any ambitions or passions or dreams or anything. None he told me about anyway.

Yet I thought nothing of that because he was just so perfect on paper. Sweet and cute. Perfect height for me. Funny. Thoughtful. He said and did everything he was supposed to and texted just as often as he should. But... there was just no fire!

And so, I was indignant. Yeah! Strange reaction, but it was my first one. I mean – I did everything right!!

Usually in relationships I mess up in some way, or act neurotic, or (this is why I've never been dumped before) dump him in some nutty panic (wanting to hit first and save face!)... So – usually – I'm at LEAST partially at fault when it goes down the sh!tter. But in the last year I've done a lot of reflection, taken time to myself, thinking, working on myself... And I'm not that person anymore. I got comfortable with being single. I'm very happy with who I am, and I KNOW who I am and... well... I suppose I've matured!

So, anyway, yes, I was indignant and surprised. It didn't work?! How dare you! That was flawless! I can't be faulted for this! Shouldn't the dumpee be the person most at fault?

Nah. This has helped me realise that sometimes no one is at fault. Just because someone hasn't pissed you off or screwed you over doesn't mean you should stay together – doesn't mean you FIT. You don't need to wait for an excuse to come along before you can legitimately – fairly – dump someone. (I was waiting for one!) Someone once said – a crap boyfriend's better than NO boyfriend. Bull!!!! Not having one is lovely!

If you're not happy and not right for each other it's ok to end it. Why shouldn't it be? I'm happiest when I'm single! And not just in the "wooo I can do anything I want!!" way, more like the "wooo no pressure, no obligation, no gifts, no extra stress, no 'talking', no opening up, no letting someone in, no meticulous planning, and a lot more space to be impulsive!"

So... Thanks Dec! (Even if ya DID ruin my perfect record - you prick – wish I'd gotten there first!)

Mount first, ask questions later!

I read this article a few weeks ago....
think it was from Time magazine's archives - not sure. anyway, it said something like - the only reason man invented language was so that he could complain!

we'd be so much better off without language. it does nothing for us but complicate things!

once language started to develop, people complained, and could have their opinions heard - and people listened, and rules were made...
rules that decided what was "bad" and "good" with complicated reasons as to why.

we all have this belief that we as humans are so much better than animals - but isn't life so much simpler for them?? why d'ya think relationships are so much more confusing for us than for animals? (mount first, ask questions later! or not at all!)
it's because of all the talking!! what good does all that talking do when the only reason for relationships or anything else is survival of the species. sorry to burst people's bubbles, but belief in "soul mates", like most beliefs, are just side-effects of the invention of language....... as we all know people do have a tendency to talk crap. i think that tendency's probably been there since the dawn of time..

have you ever noticed how much easier it is to show you're happy (smile) than to show you're sad?
or angry? it's never as simple as making a face - you still DO pull a face, but only so you can get people's attention, and can then explain yourself. how you feel. what's troubling you. what's on your mind.

i was talking to this guy who hasn't the best English, and it was so easy to talk to him and get on with him! i mean, i found myself having to talk slower, and think more about what i was saying in order to say things in the simplest way. i found i felt better about what i was saying. i was thinking way clearer since i had to cut out the crap. i realised how needless all the other words and embellishments really are...
no one cares if you're deep or aloof or a mystery wrapped in an enigma or whatever stupid angst-ridden image you're tryin to perpetuate for yourself to seem more interesting...it all comes down to attraction. you can be the most DULL person in the world and someone can fall for you. not because you're full of enough hot air to fly a blimp, but because it doesn't MATTER what you say or think or whatever. no one will care as much as you wish they would. many people like the sound of their own voice and may have loads to say, but only a TINY % of it is even WORTH saying, if you think about it...
opinions and personalities are temporary, fickle, irrational and (for lack of a better word) random!